{insecurity} ouch

hurting. why? I have friends. I have family. I have love and support.

casual insults. if you are an emotional masochist and that is why you know me, why in the hell should we continue this relationship? it isn’t good for you or me.

why doesn’t “you are wonderful and I love you” sink in when any level of “you suck” is around?

up. down. happy. crash.

I’m going to go cry some more. it will be hard to do so without my scalpel.

7 thoughts on “{insecurity} ouch

  1. dawnd

    (hugs) You are wonderful. You don’t suck, even if your head is insisting you do right now. I hope you are feeling better by now. More (hugs)

    Reply
  2. brian1789

    I think you’re a blessing to your family and friends. And you *are* wonderful and complex and unpredictable and loving and supportive and deserve the best parts of life. (emphatic nod)

    Reply
  3. angelbob

    why doesn’t “you are wonderful and I love you” sink in when any level of “you suck” is around?

    Given the circumstances, I think this was the important bit. You know me. When I’m not working hard to self-censor, I mock gently. You *know* it doesn’t mean I love you any less. The first guy who said the same thing, you *know* it doesn’t mean that *he* loves you any less.

    Why say it? ‘Cause you can be definitely abrasive to be around. You know me – I’m the same way, even if I express it differently. We laugh at that to say, “hey, this is all okay. We see it, we know it’s here, we laugh at it. We love you, but that doesn’t mean we don’t see this. Instead, it’s okay with us.”

    And sometimes we’re not so good at making it clear that that’s what we mean. I can’t speak for the other fellow, but I’m sorry about me not making that clearer. I’m not sorry for saying, or meaning, what I said. But I’m sorry that you didn’t understand what I meant by it. Maybe I’ll have to say it in more detail next time 😛

    Reply
  4. anima_fauxsis

    The biopsychological answer – Yay.

    “why doesn’t “you are wonderful and I love you” sink in when any level of “you suck” is around?”

    Because when you grow up in an environment where “you suck” is much more predominantly said, and “you are wonderful” is a rare or nonexistant thing, it is way easier to process “you suck”. It’s familiar. You’ve got neural pathways just built for dealing with that sort of message and they are year and years old. “You are wonderful” becomes a message knocking on the brain pathways with no direction. Harder to process. Confusing to deal with.

    We are just going to have to bombard you with the “You are wonderful” message so the neurons can grow grow grow, and pretty soon when you hear those words, you can confidently say “Yes, I know.”

    Reply
    1. labelleizzy

      Re: The biopsychological answer – Yay.

      I like this regrowth idea and will forge ahead with the rest of the neuro-re-align team to help in this endeavor…

      btw, I sometimes only hear the “I suck” message but it’s far less frequent now I’m in healthy relationships only.
      Nowadays my “suck” moments are pointed at myself in my job… *sigh* two more weeks…

      Reply
  5. kbgilmore

    We are our programming. In the beginning, we are instinct and genetic information. As we age we are programmed by our world and those who are supposed to love and protect us. When they do a bad job, it makes the last part of our becoming that much harder. many never overcome the trials and tribulations of childhood and the behavioral patterns created during that time. You, at least, recognize this problem within yourself. That is the first step to changing it.

    And quite Frankly, I love you very much and you do suck. At least that’s what I have heard from you. Never experienced it first-hand, but I haven’t heard any complaints from Puppy.

    Yep. I am indeed a Dork.

    Reply

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