I feel like I was pretty lazy and I let Noah pick up even more slack than usual. Either that or the kids kept themselves busy and didn’t ask for much. Always hard to tell.

Saturday Noah took the kids to Daddy Park Day and they had fun. I stayed home and hung out in a chat room. Because clearly I am cool and have excellent social skills. Mostly because I managed to find someone struggling with an intersection of bdsm/abuse and that’s an area where I’m unusually suited to giving tips on books/articles/etc. I’m very clear that bdsm is not abuse and the bright defining line is consent. If people did things to you without your consent, it is by definition not bdsm.

And then on Saturday I went to one of those parties. I saw a number of wonderful people I don’t see nearly as much as I would like. Noah and I played. Going in I told him, “I want 90 minutes of the focus not being your penis.” Oh it was a lovely scene. He tied me up a little (more like restraining in one place rather than “tying up” but it was fun), spanked me, played with the violet wand, lots of uhm insertion play.

I got off more than I have in a very long time. Since our last bdsm date, really. I miss sex like that. Oh it’s wonderful. But I’m noisy. And I don’t do noisy sex in the house with my kids. Boundaries, they are a thing.

I end the weekend still feeling a little sore to sit down. Ahhhh what a nice date.

And while we were gone one of my awesome former students brought a tv and N64 over to my house and taught my kids about console gaming. Everyone had a really wonderful evening.

Sunday I tried to get together a group of women and it turned into just one woman coming over. The one who was able to make it was Sarah, my former housemate. If you’ve been reading for a while that probably makes you suck in your breath and go, “Whoa. Ok, how did it go?” Yeah, there’s been a lot of emotion there over the past few years.

It was lovely. That was why she was my best friend for so many years. Being with her is so comfortable and safe and warm and loving. She’ll tell me what I’m doing wrong–the subtle isn’t strong with this one, but she freely says what she sees that is right too. I trust her evaluations, still. Even though things have been awkward and hard for years because we had some serious problems communicating as house mates.

I remember why I love you so much. I understand why this lack of contact has been so hard. I remember how good this feels. Oh.

But then by the time she was leaving I was essentially asleep on the couch because whoa I had a late night the night before. That was not an expression of complaint.

I feel supported, loved, and appreciated. I feel like my wackiness has some useful layers even mixed with all the trouble. I feel like good, worthy, wonderful people see value in me and I don’t get to tell them they are just mis-seeing.

It was a good weekend.

This week will be packed with activity but in good ways. Lots of thoughts. Not many spoons for typing.