It’s been a week since I managed to create a dramatic situation that could have been dealt with by a simple, “Hey, I would like some attention.” But no, I can’t do that. All I can do is feel bad and rejected when people don’t intuitively know that I am feeling lonely. All I can hear is, “You are too difficult to play with.” All I can do is feel like nothing is going to ever work out. I don’t know why that lovely euphoric coasting through my terrific relationships and life had to end, but it did with a bang. And now I feel like I am an awful person and I am treating both of my boys badly. I don’t really want to go anywhere so I’m seriously cramping Noah’s style. I just wish that I could just stop feeling this way. I want to be the happy-cheerful-‘on’ person that people like me to be, but I suck at it long term. I just can’t fill that role the way they want. And so I feel even worse about myself because I am dissappointing my partners.
I can tell this is going to be another bad day. At least I am going to just be alone for it. I hate inflicting my patheticness on people.
I don’t really want to go anywhere so I’m seriously cramping Noah’s style
Actually I really like randomly hanging out with you yesterday, and I wasn’t bothered that we didn’t go more places on Saturday. We hit, what, three different events? Much more than that and I start to get dizzy 😉
My only problem with us hanging out at home is that it’s hot and you start to feel bad (to be fair, so do I). So going somewhere air conditioned, like yesterday, works a lot better.
I’m not sure how you think you’re cramping my style, but nothing’s coming to *my* mind.
*hugs* feel free to call if you want to talk/hang out in a low-level environment.
…All I can do is feel like nothing is going to ever work out…
Dude, I hear you. You may not want to hear this, but you’re far ahead of where I was when I was your age. I hadn’t gotten close to your level of balance and self awareness. Yeah, you’re having a bad time. Yeah, you’re doing it to yourself. But you know what? At least you can see it. You can’t do anything about it if you think all that shit is real.
So you’ve got more work to do. Okay. But you’re doing a fabulous job. Seriously. I’ve been in awe.
you and me both, baby
I totally understand. It’s just frustrating.
Hell, maybe we can get Bruce and Noah to go out to parties and things together, if they’re so inclined, and you and I can hang out and stay in or do relaxed stuff…?
I know how you feel. Different route this visit, but I seem to be slumming nearby.