Category Archives: PT

I’m trying. It never feels like enough.

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Done did PT today. (Well, I’m mid-way through. I will do half before lunch and half after lunch.)

It is hard doing this for so many reasons but I know it is important. I am trying.

It is hard feeling like no matter how much I try I am going to drop 10 balls and that means I suck.

I am really upset that when I said I was happy about finally getting childcare (in a fucking year and a half) my friend’s first response was, “So you are getting a job?” I do three or more jobs at once. It feels really bad that it is perceived that I am a failure if I drop down to one or two jobs at once.

PT

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I did it. I haven’t done the dilation yet. It takes privacy. I should have done it in the bath tub but frankly I am feeling overwhelmed with all the “must do” stuff. I made seven phone calls today. Only four of them turned out to be useful. (Two important confirmations; two appointments with solicitors.)

I feel on the verge of tears. I go through cycles of dealing with my feelings around disability. But the plain truth is I have been in pain for almost 30 years. I need to give zero fucks what anyone else thinks about how I live with that. But I’m not there. I feel ashamed. I feel like I am stupid and pathetic and I should shut up and just work harder.

But I would be this degraded if I had stopped working harder years ago.

It’s a Catch 22.

When Her Sweetness wakes up we will walk over to Jenny’s. I will put one, maybe two plants in the ground because that makes my soul feel better. I will decide after the first one how my arms feel. Middle Child will get to play with his cousins. We will get in our daily walk going one way and we will take a taxi back. We shouldn’t stay very many hours. Tomorrow will be an incredibly long day going to Aberdeen to meet a solicitor. But, this is the process.

Do it.

PT

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I did most of the non TRX stuff yesterday and all the TRX stuff today. I punted a little on the inverted row with knees bent. I did one rep instead of three. It was my last one and I haven’t done these exercises in months.

I am so fucking tired.

But my joints feel slightly less locked than they did when I first got started. I know I need to do this. It hurts. It is hard.

But. I did it. The only PT exercise I haven’t done at all yet is dilation. I will try to do it in the morning. I’m only going to do that one every three days. It’s really emotionally hard.

I do want to live as long as I can to stay with my family. I know I have to do this.

PT

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I did all of the band exercises. I’m jimmy rigging one of them because the original band broke and I’m using the one I have left for all of them. So now I can do one arm at a time instead of doing them in tandem. My shoulders are in bad shape. The grinding was absolutely gross to hear. Adhesions R Us.

Bird dogs

Rock backs (I don’t know what this is actually called.)

Wall sits

Squats

Other yoga-tastic stretches to loosen up my hips and shoulders.

Neck stretches

My wrists are in absolutely terrible shape. Bird dogs hurt.

I can’t list stretches. I am bad at remembering the names. But I spent half an hour working out my body after we did about 2.6 miles walking today. (My tracker shut the fuck off so I don’t know precisely how far we went but I know how far the store is.)