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I am running this week…

On Monday I walked 4.5 miles with a friend while he dumped the contents of his soul on me.  I didn't worry about speed.

On Wednesday I ran 5.11 miles in 1:05.  average: 4.7mph

On Thursday I ran 4.12 miles in 53 minutes.  average: 4.61 mph

My heart is very heavy this week.  I'm angry and frustrated.  I spent most of my running time cussing and venting my anger and frustration.  It makes me slow.  I notice that I run a lot faster on days when I have a lighter heart.  There are a bunch of things supposedly coming to a head in six days.  I'm apprehensive and frustrated.  I'm also very tired of lying.  

running

9.48 mils in 1:51 Ave: 5.12 mph

The longer I live in Fremont the more I learn to love it here.  I am really glad that I am learning to run here.  Fremont isn't the kind of town that slaps you in the face with beauty.  It is slow to show its better side.  You don't see it until you spend an hour running around the lake watching the slow change in color over the lake.  You don't see it until you have the privilege of running past all the beautiful trees.

Running reminds me that I am alive and they are not.  Running through the willow trees reminds me that I can survive anything.  I already have.

I really need a new icon.

getting faster.

5 miles in 59:45. 5.15 mph ave. I'm to the point where I can run half a mile before walking.  I ran the whole last half mile just to be sure.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

This week I will run (with walking!) 20 miles.  Next week I have to get through 22.  The week after that, 24.  I come back down for a few weeks around the half marathon.  I have seven months between the half and the full marathons.  I'm thinking about spending April working on other parts of running… like trail running and hills and such.    I talked to a guy in passing who said that Long Beach Marathon actually has one un-fun hill in it.  It may be the flattest full marathon… but that doesn't mean it is completely flat.  I'm getting to the point where I am actually enjoying running.  I didn't believe I would feel this way.  I thought it would be a slog forever.  I thought I was just doing this to be stubborn.

I have very little history with being fit. I feel like I should figure out how to make this work in a larger way.  Just running through flat Fremont isn't going to give me all that I want.  I will need hills.  Ew.  All of a sudden I saw a glimmer of understanding why someone would do an Ultra Marathon.  I don't have that as a goal.  I will do one marathon and only maybe ever run again.  Or maybe I'll make Noah do half marathons with me.  Who knows.  Life is long.

I have a different feeling in my body these days.  I understand why they recommend running for stress reduction. I'm forking tired.  Unfortunately that is kind of a double edged sword because any amount of me being gone right now significantly increases Calli's subsequent clinginess.  Running for an hour makes her quite sad.  This phase will end.

forward

I'm almost done editing the book.  I will need to write some kind of forward because it's not nice to let people head into a story like this without some kind of fore-warning.

I'm curious if a couple of people would like to see an advance copy before it is perfect so you can give me feedback on what it made you think about, how I can direct people in the most useful ways, and any other feedback you would be willing to give me because I am scared shitless of this just appearing in the Amazon marketplace in two weeks.

Two weeks.  Holy shit.

Sex is problematic

A long time ago a spiteful woman told me, “You’d better be careful about that multiple orgasms thing.  You might run out.”  Unfortunately she seems to have been right.  Something is broken.  It broke during the first pregnancy.  I started to kind of get it back between kids but it’s been gone for a while now.  I can kind of sort of eventually get there with a vibrator but it’s not what it was.  I have orgasmed during sex, but it’s not what it was.  It is rare.  That’s…  When Tom and I went to Leather Retreat I had to ask for permission for my orgasms and keep track of them.  I can no longer recall the exact figure (and I didn’t blog then) but it was several hundred.  Now if I have one a week that’s pretty good.  Something is broken.

I can no longer handle the mental space around the fantasies that used to always be present in my mind.

Sex is problematic

A long time ago a spiteful woman told me, “You’d better be careful about that multiple orgasms thing.  You might run out.”  Unfortunately she seems to have been right.  Something is broken.  It broke during the first pregnancy.  I started to kind of get it back between kids but it’s been gone for a while now.  I can kind of sort of eventually get there with a vibrator but it’s not what it was.  I have orgasmed during sex, but it’s not what it was.  It is rare.  That’s…  When Tom and I went to Leather Retreat I had to ask for permission for my orgasms and keep track of them.  I can no longer recall the exact figure (and I didn’t blog then) but it was several hundred.  Now if I have one a week that’s pretty good.  Something is broken.

I can no longer handle the mental space around the fantasies that used to always be present in my mind.