I love the sundresses that are popular right now. Very long, I’m good with showing some cleavage and most importantly: the straps are adjustable. However there is one big problem with these dresses (and most of the tanktops I own) they were not cut for women with large breasts. If I wear them without a bra I am in imminent danger of falling out entirely at any second. (No really. It’s not a great thing.) If I wear a bra with them they look retarded because my bras are gi-fucking-normous in order to contain the vastness of my breasts. (Anyone who says, “but you aren’t that big” can kiss my lily white ass.) I don’t exactly appreciate having the top/dress look like little triangles floating on the sea of my bra. It’s fucking ugly and tacky.

Maybe I should have stopped watering them a long time ago.

Ok, so I’m having issues with clothing. As of this morning I own (for shirts) bdsm con t-shirts (not exactly universally appropriate but I’m wearing them at home and they are starting to wear out), t-shirts advertising Santa Teresa which I now feel sort of ambiguously about, tank tops, a couple of fancy shirts (velvet, lots of lace), and three snarky t-shirts rapidly on their way to wearing out (one had five noticeable holes in it the last time I looked).

But but… my body is in flux I don’t wanna spend money on clothes I won’t wear long! So I decided to STFU and went to Target and got a few shirts today. They are all very generic and plain and suitable for any and all occasions. I bought a couple new sweaters because I wear them constantly in the winter and most of the ones I own right now have large holes in them. I keep thinking I should learn how to knit well enough to fix the big holes in my sweaters, but that’s not something I am really going to do in the short term and I don’t wear sweaters anymore once I can put my fist through the hole. I also found a few pair of leggings that will allow me to wear skirts all winter long. w00t! But I feel bad about spending money on clothing. Amusingly, Noah cheers when I come home with new clothes cause it means he won’t have to hear me bitch about the holes in my clothes anymore. 🙂 I think I need to resign myself to filling out a wardrobe in this size because I plan to get pregnant again and it’s looking like I’m not going to be the sort who drops weight rapidly while breastfeeding. I should also move the things out of my closet that “will fit if I lose 10-15 lbs” because then I feel like I *have* clothes even though they don’t fit. Screw that. I need to fess up to myself that I don’t really have many clothes right now. I need to buy more so that I can put the maternity stuff away and not wear it out.

I know I whine about this regularly. I am slowly taking steps to fix the problem. I swear. It’s just hard for me. Spending money on clothing for me seems really lame for no good reason.