I came home from my third appointment for my tattoo to an email from my brother. The text from him reads:

Here is the will you asked for and thank you for helping me make a desicion I hav been struggling with for 8 years. I have not closed the door to any of you because I wanted my kids to know there family. It is no longer benificial to them because of the behaviors I have when you guys are around.

do not attempt to contact. Emails will be deleted unread, mail will be returned to sender unopened,phone calls will be hung up on and the door will not be answered.

He was responding to an email from my sister that read:

I keep thinking about it, and regardless of dad’s opinions of me or
anyone else, I feel it’s legally irresponsible to NOT peruse his will.

Please send me a copy.  A complete copy, if you will.  I need to see it
for myself.

Send it to my work address as follows: (deleted for her privacy)
I know you’d rather I not see it, but legally, I not only have the right
to see it, you are required by law to deliver a copy to all direct
heirs, of which I am most definitely one.  I cannot express how
upsetting it is to me that I had never even heard of the will until
recently.  I may not be dad’s biggest fan, but I knew him better than
anyone.  Including you.  I’m sorry, but that’s a fact.  Dad groomed you
to be his ace in the hole.  I won’t tell you what he said about you back
then – but it wasn’t any nicer than what he said about the rest of us.
He told me you would always back him, and he’d make sure of it.  You
would always be his supporter.  Tommy would never be believed.  For me,
he wanted me to be many things – not the least of which was his little
sex kitten.  He definitely tried to include me in his “mental
conditioning” of you guys.  Lol  And I often wonder why I’m so fucked
up?

Send me a copy of the will Jimmy.  Please.  I don’t care what’s in it; I
need to see it for myself.

Sissy

The will says:
(dated 4/27/98)
Last will and testament

Even though I am not guilty the viciousness of Vivian and Kristine is more than Tom can recover from. Tom and I have desided that the quality of life is not worth living.
If my life insurance can be collected I want half to go to my son James. The other half to Trudy Russell. (My step-mom)
The rest of Tom’s trust fund and everything else I have goes to my son James. It is my wishes that nothing goes to Vivian, Kristine, or Denise.

Words fail me. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t know where any of this came from or why it was directed at me. This is why I am so fucked up. I called my brother to ask him what the hell is going on. He told me that he is angry that his sons will never know their uncle or grandfather because I wasn’t given a computer. I hung up on him. This hatred of me is why I spent so many years wanting to and trying to kill myself. How can anyone hate me this much? And my brother will teach his children to hate me and blame me too.