Tag Archives: friends rock

Travel and Socializing

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Goodness gracious we have been seeing a lot of people lately. It’s very cool. paulaandandrew came over last night, my lovely flyinamazon has come over a couple of times, we’ve had visits from blate and yanijc and jkuroda and bk2w and tshuma and angelkatharine and noirem and joedecker. I might be forgetting some of my blessings recently as I’m a total space cadet. I’ve gone out and seen a bunch of other people. I’ve spent time with my sister and cousins and no one fought. (Well, we had a small argument because my sister asserted that she won’t be voting for Obama because he is a Muslim. Uhm, whatever.) Ooh! And Debbie is going to come see me next week! It’s been too long. And have I mentioned that it is really neat that I’m hanging out with Britt so much? I haven’t seen dangerpudding in a bit, but that’ll be remedied next week. 😀

And we have a lot of upcoming travel! Portland weekend after next and we will be staying for over a week. bldrnrpdx I still need to talk to Dad about your event. I’m going to try. The lovely and wonderous Ms. blacksheep_lj will be picking us up from the airport and lending us a carseat. w00t! I get to spend a lot of time with my adored shadowsintime oh, and there will be the wedding for ihotpockets. 😀 There will be a trip up to Seattle to see Jefe and Jen and Rachel and hopefully I hope I’ll get to see malixe and imp-of-satan and meet Henry!

Next month is another wedding, this time with a camping trip involved. We’ll see how camping with a baby goes. woof.

We are going to go see my mommy for Thanksgiving. She’s terribly excited.

And New Zealand in February. I think I need to stop complaining about my life. (Ok, I don’t complain much… but any at all seems like a stretch.)

{disclaimer: if I’ve left your name out, feel free to poke me. My memory is not what it once was and it was never amazing.}

{Edited to add: satyrlovesong and ribbin both came over too!} (See, I want to keep track because I get in these moods where “nobody loves me, everybody hates me” and it’s just bolgona. So now I have a list of who loves me. :D)

Just another day in paradise. Part ??

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Miss Marcie came over for lunch. We had big salads. 🙂 (Janet–I put in lots of cheese to up the fullness quotient.) It was awesome to get to see her. I’ve gotten to see her more in the past few months than I have in a long long time. Yay!!

Today I am cleaning. I’ve dusted. I hate dusting. I’m doing laundry. I’m finishing up the stuff in the kitchen Noah didn’t finish this morning. I think I’m going to clean the bathroom. Cat box is on my list. I may even get around to mopping.

I feel like such a good little housewife.

Much yay was had by all.

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We had a very productive first part of the day yesterday. It was good. It included a trip up to El Sobrante to pick up our two cases of apple lambic. If you are an apple lambic fan I recommend checking out: www.thecellaronline.com

Then we went to a party! The hosts were some folks I have known in the scene for quite a while. I had a fabulous time. I got to reconnect with a lot of people I haven’t talked to much in years. I have this weird love/hate thing with the scene at this point. I love it because when I go hang out with people I have known for that long I feel extremely comfortable and secure. By golly those folks already like me or don’t like me and I don’t have a thing to prove. It’s a great feeling. But I also feel like many/most scene folk are too insular in that world and I’ve had a hard time with that for a long time. Like: dude, have more than one hobby. I’m certainly not in a place where I could be totally wrapped up in that world any year soon, but on Dore Alley weekend I like to stop and reflect. See, I played for the first time the night before Dore Alley in 2000. It’s my anniversary and I like that it is on such an obvious weekend. 🙂 I’m missing the event for the first time. It’s weird thinking about how my identity is shifting and changing. I like it and I’m happy, but it’s weird.

I spent a fair bit of time visiting with the other baby at the party. His father was one of the first people I ever played with so I’ve known him for a long time. We had a strained semi-hostile relationship for a while but at this point we get along pretty well. The little baby boy was born three hours before the munchkin. I think that is cool. 🙂 Munchkin and he were fascinated with each other. They ‘talked’ at one another and stared and flailed at each other. Very cool. It was kind of funny to talk to someone about how different our babies are at the exact same age. 🙂

So yeah. It was good and I’m happy. Today we get to walk over to the farmer’s market and buy lots and lots of vegetables for the upcoming week. Yes Pandora–more vegetables. 😛

Trust

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Today I got to spend some time with a cool person. This person chose to trust me with something really important. I’m sad that this person had the experience, but I feel pretty proud of the fact that I am safe enough to share it with.

Validation of non-suckage is really nice.

Acupuncture leads to food.

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I think that is an amusing headline. 🙂 And it did! This is fabulous. I’m not going to say that acupuncture is the most AMAING THING EVAR, but uhm… it’s pretty damn neat. I managed to eat solid food on two separate occasions today. I haven’t managed that in almost a week. The second meal was tiny, but that’s ok. It’s something. The neato chica sticking me with sharp things also seemed amused at my attempts at silly jokes. She can stay. Which is probably good seeing as Joe kinda likes her. 😉

And today involved some incredibly hot sex. If I was feeling good enough for food *and* sex after acupuncture I am totally going back. Best $100 I have spent in months.

Not to mention that I got a great phone call from one of the most awesomest people I know. My day so rocked.

Odds and ends

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The last few days have been pretty incredibly up and down. I’ve been hit really hard with emotional stuff for a variety of reasons. Getting through this has been very difficult. I wouldn’t exactly say that I feel great or fine at this point, but I’m working on feeling less crappy. I feel like I’m past the honeymoon phase on some things in my relationship but I don’t know if that is so or if my body is going nuts from pregnancy hormones. All I know is that some things are being much harder right now than I can remember them being. There are some very specific people who came through for me on Thursday night and I am so incredibly grateful that I have such amazing people in my life. Thank you and thank you and thank you again. I love you so much.

Last night I went to a party where I knew maybe 10% of the people and it was a crowded party. I had more social anxiety than I have had in a long time. It didn’t help that my stomach was hurting basically the entire time I was there and that limited my interest in being actively social. Being that close to hoards of humanity was difficult so I spent a lot of time hiding in corners. I did get to talk to a few people whom I rarely see and that was pleasant. In the past around this social group I have been pretty boisterous and I noticed how different the atmosphere was when I could not manage that. I think my one regret was that when I sucked up the courage to ask someone to dance I was turned down and I didn’t have the courage to ask anyone else. *shrug* I generally have about one dance per day in me at this point and I really don’t have the chutzpah to push for partners the way you have to when you aren’t one of the “in demand” dancers. Such is life.

Tonight is the DHP. I’m torn between being excited and being terrified. I’m scared that no one will show up. (I know that at least some people will though.) I’m scared that an enormous crowd of people I don’t know will show up. (The hazards of an open-invite party.) I’m sad about scheduling conflicts. (Such is life in this area.) I’m hoping that my body cooperates and lets me have fun. I’m hoping that more than five people show up whom I actually want to talk to. I’m hoping they show up *before* I pass out. (Or that they come late climb in bed with me so I can sleepily talk to them while cuddling. That could be good too. Uhm–if you worry that I wouldn’t want you in bed with me, probably a better idea to err on the side of caution. Please only do this if you really *know* I would want you to.) Well, we are most of the way to ready but of course there is still stuff to do. Time to get moving.

{inner circle} Why stay?

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Some of the conversations I am having around the DHP are showing me why I don’t really need to stay in CA. I’m not slamming anyone, it’s ok that people have other priorities in their lives. It’s just making me realize how few people I actually consider friends. It isn’t that I am the best person about making it to events–I’m really not. Usually my reason for not going to events is that I am too tired to make it out of my house. I’m not trying to claim this is a morally superior reason. In fact, the people who have told me they would love to come to the DHP only X, Y, and Z are going on the days before and there is no way they will have the energy–that I really get. But “I already have plans with X friend I see every week” is… something I notice. I don’t think it is bad. Everyone needs to pick priorities and making sure that you follow through on solid commitments to the people who are your good friends is a wonderful thing. But I know that I am not one of the good friends.

Once upon a time I had a very active social life. If an event invitation was sent out I took it as a given that I would be going to the event. I didn’t prioritize much beyond “who sent the invitation out first” because I wasn’t actually close with 98% of the people doing the inviting. My life changed. Now I try hard to make it some events because I genuinely love the people and I skip everything else. This means I rarely go out. I am losing contact and priority among the people who have only been acquintances anyway. And my world has shrunk more quickly than I would have thought possible. I’m actually really ok with that.

There are people I am going to miss a lot. The funny thing is, some of the events I prioritze going to now, I will fly in for in the next few years because they are high enough priority. I’m really not going to miss the rest. And now that I am not going out constantly and people know that trying to fuck me is a futile effort I’m really not someone to draw a crowd the way I used to. That’s ok. Learning who your friends are is important.

Holy Socializing Batman

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I got out of the house. On three days out of the four days off. The first day I wasn’t feeling so hot so my socializing mostly consisted of breathing the same air and reading a book while huddled on a couch. Luckily my friends love me. Yesterday we got to a party for a couple of hours. I mostly sat on a couch while Noah talked graphic novels. 🙂 It was good anyway.
Today I remembered that Mr. tigman was in town and going to Dickens Fair. We were going to need to go this weekend or next anyway so we ambled over. We saw so many people. We saw some *good* people. I only had once dance in me so I saved it for my favorite dance partner. Of course it rocked. He didn’t go nuts on spinning me. 🙂 It was amusing telling the other random Fezzi’s fellows that they don’t want to dance with me because they don’t want to wear my lunch. I wouldn’t have put it so bluntly if they hadn’t been so pushy. I got to tell a bunch of people not to touch my stomach. It was amazing to me that people I never talk to or see already know I am pregnant. Apparently the grapevine speaks my name. We got to see other peoples’ babies. Yay babies! My friends make friggin cute kids. Of the six and a bit hours we were at Dickens we were sitting pretty still for more than three hours of them because I wasn’t doing so hot anymore. We stayed to see Naughty French Postcards. We shouldn’t have, the show was extremely uninspiring. Oh well. It was neat talking to people and seeing who said that they would absolutely be willing to come out to Pittsburgh to see me/us. I have a very strong appreciation for being able to look around my life and know who will be in my life no matter where we live.

And now I pay the piper. Physically I am a real mess. I need to go to bed in a big hurry and try to let my body rest. Even though I am likely to be sick pretty much all week for this, it was so worth it. I have some great people in my life. Now, to sleep…

Further proof that my life does not suck.

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Today, one of my kids went off campus during lunch and bought me a Jamba Juice. (The kid finishes school at 5th period–that’s the only reason he is allowed to leave.) This was after I bitched him out during 2nd period because he still hasn’t got his book and he was generally being a bit whiney. I think that apologizing after yelling at him probably helped. I told him I had no right to be such a bitch to him and he laughed. 🙂

Last night I jumped my hot honey. It was quite good. Sex is much less frequent these days, but oh so awesome when it happens.

My darling husband came to work with me this weekend and kept me company while I suffered through craptastic work. Have I mentioned that I am incredibly lucky?

We got to be social in three different venues this weekend–none of them for even 2 hours, but that is all the energy we have. It was good to see people. (This is the way to see me these days. Book a slot early in the day for 1-2 hours. That’s all the energy I have.)

And I finally got around to starting Harry Potter. Books 1 and 2 down. 🙂

+/-

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– Having to express boundaries in a way that is hard for me to say and hard for others to hear.
+ Expressing anxiety and concern and being heard and supported in totally unexpected ways.
– Allowing anxiety to turn my stomach into an acid pit for weeks.
+ Talking about anxieties with wonderful fabulous people who will support me no matter what.
+ Reading many fabulous books this summer.
+ Painting my house and making it feel more like my home allowing me to banish many of the ghosts that have been here for me.
+ Banishing the ghosts from the past making it more comfortable for other people to be here too.
– Playing phone tag with amazing people and not getting to really connect.
– Missing some of the people I love so much I feel like I drown in it.
+ Being social and getting to see wonderful people.
+ Having a friend buy me a corset!!! (I swear! Pictures soon!!)
+ More work done on my tattoo. Most of it wasn’t so bad. Then we moved to an area that wasn’t numb. That sucked ass through a straw.
– Finding out that my tattoo artist wants to move out of state in February so my tattoo has to be finished before I get pregnant. So uhm, I’m going again before this even has a chance to heal because we have to finish, damnit.
+ Good conversations with people about how size plays into perception of beauty. I really am fascinated by how people perceive size and beauty and how they are related and not. I love that my friends trust me enough to talk to me about this very touchy subject.
+ Plans coming up with people I rarely get to see. There are people in my life I think of as ‘watchers.’ They aren’t really close friends because I hardly ever see them and we do very little with one another in ways that seriously overlap our lives. Yet, I love them and trust them for no obvious reason. Once or twice a year we get together and catch up on all the small and big and good and bad and I feel truly seen. I really appreciate these people and the perspective they give my life. I’m seeing one of them tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it. I also get to see some people in the next few weeks whom I think of as friends but who aren’t close, yet.
+ Running into my sophomore English teacher at Avenue Q and having him ask me to get together to work on curriculum. That is so incredibly validating! Yay! He is one of the teachers I liked the most through the years.
+ Almost done with all the books I need to read for 2A. This is pretty neat. I still am not sure how I want to put it all together though. One more week!
– Not sleeping well or much. This needs to change pronto.
+ Found some really cute wrap skirts on the Haight. They don’t care if I am chunky or thin. 🙂 Yay for versatility!
+ My back hurts less in the aftermath of tattooing than it used to. I’m a little stiff and sore, but really not bad.
+ Still have the best husband ever. Understanding, compassionate, fun, supportive, and totally sexy.

Mostly though, I know I’ve been whining and vague and depressed and upset and … blah for a bit now. Thank you to the people who have reached out. I notice. Thank you for the support and love. I see it and I’m grateful.

Oh, dear god no.

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What do I really really really really really really not want to have happen right before a big party? The plumbing get uhm finicky. Yeah. Not good. The plumber will be here in just over an hour. Thank the gods.

Still so much to do and so little time. Thankfully the bathroom was repainted yesterday by the lovely Turtle and it looks pretty damn good. Other friends are volunteering their time to help me finish the rest of the to-do list. Have I mentioned that I have great friends? Cause I really do.

Nervous and overwhelmed, but plugging along. Have I mentioned that this was a bad week to get into a less than pleasant discussion about D/s stuff? Yeah, that was ill-timed. Maybe working on a solution though.

Ok, time to start working.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

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Also known as the last day of school!!!

I would like to get out and be more social. I miss going to parties, but my bandwidth for large groups is likely to stay small for a while as I decompress from work. I am really interested in seeing people.

So! When/what/where would be interesting? Anyone want to see me? (Make the assumption that night time engagements will include Noah unless very specifically stated.) I’m not promising that I will meet absolutely every request for time, but I miss people lots and would like to get in some social time before my brain is sucked out again.

Oh yeah, I should announce travel.

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So! I’m heading up to the PNW.

The plan as of right now is: I will drive up to Portland sometime around the 19th/20th/21st of June. I don’t get done teaching until the 16th of June. 🙂 My strongest preference would be to go up to Portland by way of Humboldt and see the magnificent Bre and DA before getting all the way North. This is of course subject to negotiations of sleeping space. 🙂 If anyone has a strong preference for date, feel free to express it. I also want to make the further jump up to Seattle to see lovely people in that time frame. I would like to spend the weekend in Seattle of the 30th of June/1st of July. I may or may not spend time in Portland again on the way south before running off into the woods somewhere (any camping suggestions?) with Noah for our honeymoon. Yes, we want our honeymoon to be camping. 🙂

This means I am interested in seeing: Blacksheep and Vortlimpa, Bladerunner, Brehen, ihotpockets, Noelle (Would T be interested or available in spending a little time?), Phoenix, Malcolm (Maybe? Will you be available? How about your lovely wife?), Malixe, Matisse and Max, Meerkat, Shadowsintime, and DA.

That’s a weird mix of lj-names and real or sorta real names… 🙂 I will try to get out real emails but I suck at that given that I don’t have many peoples actual email addresses due to the last great hard drive death…

LJ introductions

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mzmtnlion, allow me to introduce i_am_dsh and her lovely husband, terpsichoros. They live on the island with you. They are incredibly interesting people (dancing, costuming, singing, other fun hobbies) AND all of ya’ll like me. That’s quite a lot to have in common. And as if that weren’t enough–they are about to have a baby! Yay for more babies! 🙂

Just sayin.

exhausted, but cheerful

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This weekend has been very very good. I have seen lots of fabulous friends. I went and saw the Wet Spots in concert (Hey Tim! Their website is www.wetspotsmusic.com ) and had a smashing good time after getting drunk on margaritas with friends. I have gotten to snuggle my baby. I taught a self-bondage class and it went very well. The pacing was just about perfect (go me) and I cautioned everyone to never put anything around their neck so that a certain someone in the scene won’t bite my head off. I got to grab A’s boobs, which will make any weekend ideal. Therapy was good and it has been agreed that I will no longer go every week, thus saving my back some wear and tear. It’ll be great.

Yeah, wonderful weekend. I wonder what I am going to teach tomorrow…

Hey wait… I have 5 free minutes?!

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I would like to make this in-depth. We’ll see how much I manage in the next few minutes.

I’m such a roller coaster. My life is great and wonderful and incredibly frustrating so I’m up and down more than I like. For example: this Saturday I started out in a terrible mood for no specific reason. I was just feeling horrible and awful. I was assured that I wasn’t actually taking it out on Noah, but I was sure being pissy near him. *sigh* Then I got a call from my beloved stand in mom, ditenebre (did that code work?) saying she had comp tickets for Dickens Fair that we could have for this weekend. Originally I didn’t think we would be able to go on Saturday given the list of things we wanted to get done in the day, but she wouldn’t be there on Sunday so we decided to make it on Saturday despite the inconvenience and my general pissiness. I decided to wear my corset cause… well, I could. And it was an attempt to feel dressy cause I don’t get to do that much these days.

We were both so happy we went. The day there was wonderful. I got to be reminded that there are actual real live groups of people who like me! Dude!! I feel very isolated most of the time lately and it is hard to remember that people like me. At Dickens we couldn’t walk 3 minutes without someone being ecstatic to see me and often jumping up and down before hugging me hard. My self esteem drastically needed that. I felt happier than I have been in a while, and I haven’t exactly been miserable lately. A hot girl at Dark Garden played dress up with me and I ended up leaving with a sheer gorgeous black shirt that sorta barely covers me, but is entirely flattering in the process. And hey–said hot girl dressed and undressed me several times. I so win. Many hot and lovely boys flirted with me like crazy. I very sadly had to turn down the many kisses offered because my cold sore isn’t completely healed yet, but I was quite flattered that I was having to turn them down constantly. 🙂 Oh baby the flirting rocked. 🙂 When I finally got to Fezziwig’s I was passed from boy to boy to boy and that rocked. I did have it reaffirmed to myself that it isn’t that I miss dancing that much, I miss dancing with terpsichoros. He taught me how to dance and I can follow his lead better than any one else’s. I like dancing with other people, quite a bit even. But with him I feel light and graceful and beautiful. Thank you honey for introducing me to dancing. I will never be able to repay the debt I owe you.

So many other lovely and wonderful people. Miss barelyproper did my hair and I left it in all weekend and was thrilled. And and and… too many people to name. I love you all. I was so happy to see you. I was asked if we would be returning and told that as a bribe people could arrange comp tickets to get me there. 🙂 I am strongly considering it. One day may not have been enough. I am so grateful that ditenebre gave me the opportunity to go. Thank you. I really needed that.

And then on Sunday we got a Christmas tree!!! That rocked. It was a serious pain to put up and it still seriously leans. *grin* It’s as non-straight as I am! Then Noah’s dad called. … Intimidating much? It was a very interesting conversation. He went a long way towards repairing the anger I was feeling in his direction and expressed a great deal of support for my position with regards to Noah’s mom. I’m grateful for that. He is right that I don’t really understand his position, but I’m glad he is willing to understand how hard I have worked to get away from people like his wife. That made me feel much better, which in turn relieves some of the stress between Noah and I right now. Yay all the way around.

I have been forgetful like crazy lately and seriously beating myself up about it. But I’m trying really hard to get that under control. Cause despite my negative self talk, I am smart. I am capable. I am good at most of the things that matter in my life. I’m just also very overwhelmed. It’s ok that I make mistakes when i’m massively overwhelmed. 10 days till Christmas break.

Oh! And my AP (assistant principal) observed me yesterday. She had only positive things to say so far. We haven’t had the official sit down meeting, but when we walked past each other she stopped to note that I have really great classroom control and excellent relations with the kids. She specifically said, “You are great at noticing when someone gets off task and getting them back on track without it being a disruption of the overall class and the kids take it well which shows that you have a very positive relationship with them in general.” Still grinning about that. Yay!

And despite feeling like I was showing up with no plan or ability to be on task today I have managed to get everything together and organized and absolutely set for the next two days in time to finally update my lj. 🙂 Go me. And I found time to go get lunch with my buddy and I went over the entries for the MLK Jr contest and submitted my official judging ballot. Damn I’m on task today

Have I mentioned lately that I love my friends? And that I love my husband even more than all of my friends combined? We’ve been talking a lot about my insecurities (you know–all those things that live in my head and really aren’t about him despite the fact that they inadvertently affect our relationship?) and he is just so amazing. He is supportive and tolerant and he is getting WAY better at standing up for his own boundaries as he supports me. I couldn’t be prouder of him. 🙂 Yay. Ok, still feeling overwhelmed and that is scary. But my life is really good.