Tag Archives: life

I’m not boring

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I just need to talk to people who share my interests. Someone who will not be annoyed at my incessant conversations about All Things Baby. Luckily, I have an angelkatharine and she is quite thrilled to hear my baby-related babble. It’s great!

Yesterday was an errand-running day and she came with me! I went to Ikea to find picture frames (I actually like the super cheap ‘clips’ ones) and to restock on candles. I had a great time discussing decorating choices in the display rooms. Noah isn’t interested in doing that with me. 🙂 Then we went to Target for non-stick skillets which will allow Noah to make me breakfast with greater ease. 🙂 I found some clothes and I am quite thrilled about this. Lately I’ve been wearing two pairs of low-rise maternity pants and about five shirts over and over because other stuff isn’t fitting. Oh sure, I can keep wearing the generic stretch pants I had for maternity, but they wear out and aren’t real flattering. I really want to put maternity clothes away so that they aren’t worn out the next time I get pregnant. This is complicated by the fact that while yes, I now have jeans (w00t!) I had just uhm expanded into this size before getting pregnant so I have very little clothing in size 14. Noah is challenging to live with if you want to not gain weight. I apparently can’t stay thin. All of my size 14 stuff is work clothing and I don’t really want to lounge around the house that way.

So new clothes! Yay! I also have the new constraint of nursing accessibility. Whereas I don’t have a problem with raising up the bottom of my shirt (I don’t care who sees my stretch marks) it is a lot easier to have boob access from higher up. Raising a t-shirt in the wraps is kind of a pain then we get all sweaty together and I don’t like that feeling. So yay for shirts that lower for boob access. I also found some cute jammies cause I don’t really have any. I mostly have nightgowns and nothing is more fucking pointless than having to raise the bottom of a nightgown from your knees to above your boob for nursing. (Ok, there are probably more pointless things…) So now I have two-pieces and I’m happy. I also found two dresses that are nursing compatible. One is even cute and not black so I can wear it to the wedding next month. (It’s grey, but I’ll take that as good enough.)

And Noah got nearly drunk last night. It was very amusing. 🙂

Much celebration is felt. And now I sit very still and pray that the munchkin goes to sleep soon for a really long nap cause she was up longer than is strictly speaking awesome yesterday.

bits and pieces

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-I went up and saw my family yesterday. It was extremely low stress. My aunt is kind of afraid of me in weird ways. I’m never sure how to handle it.
-I restated for my niece and nephew that I will pay for college. I think my nephew will take me up on it. I’m glad.
-I also apologized to my nephew for being such a shitty aunt. I need to try harder in both of their directions.
-Shanna doesn’t seem to like anyone else holding her. She cries pretty quickly. This isn’t awesome.
-Other people reread my archives so I started looking too. This December I will have known Ms. Pandora for five years. I think that will deserve some recognition.
-We do a lot of laundry.
-I’m noticing more and more how happy I am that I get to stay with Shanna.
-People on MDC (the mothering website I’ve been reading–you people don’t post enough) are really fucking weird.
-If we want to try for the spacing of kidlets we are talking about I have some work to do. Oy. It’s going to be extra challenging with the munchkin.

similarities and a brain dump

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She has Noah’s hairline. I didn’t notice, my mom pointed it out. It looks like her nose is becoming more like mine (or at least how mine was when I was a tiny baby). She likes to be as cold as Noah. I’m sitting in the air conditioned living room fully dressed under a blanket and they are both naked–and happy about it. Odd.

I’ve been really moody this week for no good reason. I’m trying to not lash out at Noah though because he’s really awesome and hasn’t done anything–uhhh anything bad. He’s done lots of good stuff. As a result of me petulantly telling him earlier this week that I felt like he wasn’t paying enough attention to me he devoted a full freakin day to reading me The Golden Compass. The whole book. That wasn’t a stated goal of the day, he just never stopped reading. 🙂 It’s a really good book.

I’ve been fussing at Noah about my various guilt complexes and he is patiently helping me with them. I’m so lucky to have him. I feel like if I am going to stay home I need to become Super Woman and do everything around the house as far as cleaning goes and cook interesting food every day and take perfect care of the kidlets and work on other projects and be a stimulating and interesting partner for him. But I can’t physically do all of those things in a 24 hour day. It’s not reasonable. But I feel crushing guilt because I should be able to!! I’m a failure if I don’t!! He says that’s silly though. So we are talking about maybe the best approach is to figure out how many hours a week I should spend on different things and still be reasonable about it. So I’m trying to figure out what is a reasonable schedule for me. See, this is challenging due to the word “reasonable.” I’m not sure I’ve ever had a reasonable schedule before. I tend to have an outrageously packed schedule and by golly I Get It Done. I’m kind of deranged really. I get it done if it makes me miserable and I’m crying and sick and underslept and treating everyone around me like shit. But I get it done.

Yeah… this isn’t optimal in terms of long-term sustainability and given that I can no longer treat my life as a series of sprints towards individual goals I need a different approach. So what is sustainable for me? In all honesty I can sustain a much higher level of productivity than average, but I get cranky. What level of activity will keep me in a good mood? That’s a harder question. I think this is going to take some trial and error. I also need to get over the idea that I should now be taking care of everything in the house for Noah. For one thing it isn’t reasonable. For another thing… he wouldn’t actually like it. He likes doing stuff for me and even though he does enjoy his down time he likes being able to help me as well. Balance.

Then there is this little complication of the munchkin. See… she wants to be on me all the time which I really love. Unfortunately sitting around with her on my lap makes it hard for me to do stuff. She does not like feeding on the move and screams her head off if I try to feed her in the wrap. She’s fine with sleeping in it, but not eating. The problem is transitioning to the wrap once she’s asleep. If I have the wrap tied on it’s not too hard but feeding her while wearing it is kind of inconvenient. I may have to just suck that up. This may be easier when feeding happens less often.

And I’ve totally lost my train of thought cause my mom called. Uhm… The End?

blurbs

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I seem to be reverting to my teenage years, by which I mean: “I’m booooooooored….ooh! I’ll eat!” Dangerous.

Tonight I am going to look at my oldest friend in the world as she parades around in very little clothing. Given my normal friends-group this shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s weird. (She wants costuming feedback before a photo shoot and her husband is one of “those guys” who won’t respond. I’m so nice.)

Shanna has taken to moaning a little as she eats. It sounds like that low mournful puppy moaning when they are locked up for the night. I feel like I must be doing something terrible and I can’t figure out what.

I would love to have a book club sort of thing about the Harry Potter books. Since I succumbed to reading them there are all sorts of nuances in the story that I would love to hear other opinions on. Noah is a nice start, but he doesn’t seem as motivated as me. 🙂

Our neighbors two doors down came over to introduce themselves. This is really awesome because they have a little boy who is 5 1/2 weeks older than Shanna! Yay! I doubt Shanna will be as lucky as I was with the kid across the street (uhm, the girl coming over to show off her underwear tonight) but you never know. 🙂

Been spending a lot of time thinking about how my friends are by and large having shitty stuff happen to them lately. I feel almost guilty that my life is so easy right now. It’s a weird feeling.

I’m not doing a very good job of reaching out to those women I obsess over. I think I fear rejection. But I miss them.

I’m spending way more time thinking about the trip to Portland than is necessary. Hey! Uhm, we’re coming up to Portland at the end of August for a wedding. I’m trying to decide how long we should stay and a lot of that depends on how many people want to see us. We will probably head up to Seattle for at least a day because Jefe will shoot me if I don’t come see his restaurant. He’s pushy like that. I’m not feeling very secure in the “people want to see me” department so if you want me to spend time with you on the trip feel free to nudge in my direction. I will probably be quite happy to figure out time.

Noah has this friend. I’ve never met this friend. I have mixed feelings about this friend due to a variety of things that hit buttons for me. I’m thinking maybe it is good that I not meet this friend due to a variety of triggery sorts of things. But I feel terrible and like I shouldn’t be so judgmental.

I’m judgmental. I judge peoples’ actions and beliefs. I feel like this makes me a terrible person. I can’t seem to stop.

If you are now totally paranoid that I am judging you, feel free to ask and I’ll tell you. I might be.

Hm. Maybe I’m not just bored. Maybe I’m actually hungry.

Doing my best.

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So I kind of freaked on Noah yesterday. I’m not telling you why. Suffice to say I was not as awesome of a wife as he deserves. But I tried to find solutions. Then more stuff got complicated today. ACK. But I sent him off with his best friend tonight. It’s been hard for him to be stuck at home all the time with me. It’s hard to be supportive of someone getting their needs met when your needs are conflicting. I’m trying though.

This life and being a grown up and taking care of your partner stuff is all a big fat pain in the ass.

Silly.

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So we have a plumber here fixing our garbage disposal. Normally I could do this sort of thing myself, but not so much at the moment. No contorting under sinks for me at 39 weeks.

He’s swearing. Constantly. Mostly in Spanish with an occasional “fuck” dropped in for flavor. (He shocked himself.) I’m pretty sure that he isn’t supposed to swear at a customer’s house. I’m giggling like mad. I kind of wonder if I should let him know that I do actually understand all of the swear words he is using. Would it embarrass him?

I’ll just sit here and giggle.

Muddled

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I’m starting to be fuzzier and fuzzier in my thinking. My normal brilliant observations (hey–I have them sometimes) are coming fewer and farther apart. Instead I feel like I’m swimming in a fog. It’s strangely reminiscent of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Dude. I’m totally Bromden.

We went out and were social this weekend, more than once even. I was pretty amused at how the party we went to basically segregated into the monogamous breeders and the poly people. 🙂 I had a lovely time. 🙂 I need to spend more time with Lauren because she is obviously a really good mom (you don’t get a kid that good on accident) and maybe she can rub off on me. It was nice to see the various poly folk as well–don’t get me wrong. They just weren’t as interested in orbiting around where I flopped and I’m not doing the get up and move around social butterfly thing just now.

Then Noah wanted to go watch the fire show at the Tiki Bar last night. He wasn’t willing to go without me. So I dragged my grumpy ass out. Luckily I had the brilliant idea of sending Miss Jenny a text message and she came and talked to me. It’s a good thing cause I was being pretty sucky and unenthusiastic and that was probably hard for Noah. Then my delightful acupuncturist showed up with her husband. She’s neat in general and I had a great time fucking with her husband. 😀 That was probably the best social interaction I’ve had with a new-to-me person in months. Normally I just sort of retreat over to my chair and don’t talk to new people. 🙂

All of this on top of Noah vacuuming the whole house on Saturday. Whee! My life is awesome.

Oh! I got painted green yesterday! Uncle Mikey came over and painted me and we took pictures. I don’t have any that I can mass share at this point, but I’ve seen some of them and they are neat!! Very freaky-creature-like. 🙂

The cat has been really fussy lately. After losing the teeth a few weeks ago she has also had this weird growth on her lower lip. Last week we took her in for a steroid shot and it seems to be getting better. I’m hoping that more doesn’t come up. *sigh* I think she has been over-eating lately out of sheer joy at being able to eat again (infected teeth and gums = lots of pain while eating) and she puked all over the carpet this weekend. *sigh* I think this is her 6th? 7th? time puking in her whole life so I don’t feel like I can be too grumpy.

The house has come a long way. I’m getting happier and happier with the house. At this point the house looks different enough that it doesn’t feel like it is the same house Noah used to live in. I’m pretty grateful for that. I was having a lot of trouble feeling happy here and at this point that is fading and the house is feeling more like it’s “mine.” The one remnant of former occupants that I am thrilled about is the roses. Thank you Christyn! They are soooooo pretty. 🙂

I’m not sleeping that well because a three hour stretch between bathroom breaks is a really long time and I usually can’t go that long. I have also started gaining a pound a week in the last couple of weeks (whoo hoo! 21 lbs!) but that means that I’m gaining about 1/2 lb a week of water weight. My feet are now swollen. It took till 39 weeks, but it happened. My pelvis is so sore I have trouble believing that my body can be this sore for this long. I’m just achey all over in general. Getting out this weekend was awesome because I’m not sure how much more time I have.

Oh, people: stop asking if I’ve had the baby. I’ll freakin let you know.

Sleeeeeeeeeep

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For some stupid reason we have been staying awake later and later at night. Last night I noticed that it was 1:30. So we went to bed. I’ve had two nights out of the last week where my bladder has made it to a six hour stretch, usually I get four hours of sleep then two, then one, then one, then get up. This morning I woke up at 6 am so hungry that my stomach ached. So I went and ate. Then couldn’t get back to sleep till 7. Then woke up for good around 9 because that’s when Noah got up. I’m tired and brain dead. Everything feels wonky.

And what do I do about it? Whine on lj.

Although, to be fair, other than being really tired I’m actually in fairly good spirits. 🙂 I keep feeling like I should get up and “get busy” and then I think… naw…. 🙂

bits and pieces

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Today I managed to get multiple errands done. I went to close out the storage unit and found out that if I waited until tomorrow I would have been charged an extra month. w00t. Glad I caught that. I went to Home Desperate and got stuff for the Noah. Then I wandered through REI and found a neat messenger bag that will function quite nicely as a diaper bag. Then I noticed that it was on sale. Then I went to the register and found out that the sale price was less than half of my dividend for the year; so I didn’t even have to spend real money. w00t again!

I find that if I do a lot of housework/moving around in a day I tend to spend the next whole day sitting on the couch kind of wasted. I moved around a lot yesterday. Books are in the locations I want them to be in. Yay! And fiction is alphabetized. Not that I’m neurotic or anything. *cough* Most of what is left to unpack is clothing and glassware, neither of which I’m stressing over.

And I did all this today in a Twisted Monk “Trust Me” tanktop. It’s the only tanktop that still fits. It makes me smile. Children, don’t follow that link or your parents will get upset. No really.

Just another day in paradise.

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So I’ve been feeling boring lately because all I write about is complaining about boredom. So I’ve been thinking about things.

This is what it feels like to have everything I always wanted. I have the best husband ever in the history of the world. He is supportive, communicative, willing to do anything I ask, and he’s the best sex partner I’ve ever had. That’s not a combination I thought existed. I win.

I’ve wanted to have a baby for a long time. Ok, so I haven’t had the easiest pregnancy in the history of the world–but by and large it’s not so bad. I’ve actually been aware of the bedrest risk since before I got pregnant. I have Menieres and it’s super common to end up on bedrest. It gets increasingly common as you get older which is why I needed to start having babies fairly young. (I don’t actually think that my preterm labor was related to the Menieres, but the risk was present for me anyway so I’m not as shocked as I could be.) And for all that my pregnancy isn’t the easiest it hasn’t actually been that hard. Given the prize I have at the end of the journey it’s been worth absolutely all the difficulty.

I may not live in the house of my absolute dreams, but I live in a comfortable house. We own this house and can afford the mortgage. We have all the financial safety I ever frantically aspired to. Sure, as soon as my ability to eat settles down we need to go back to cooking and stop eating out all the time, but I won’t want to go out with a baby anyway. 🙂 For now I am getting to eat out as much as my poverty-stricken-inner-little-girl wants to. This is cool.

I have amazing friends. They are supportive and awesome. When I put up a message asking to borrow DVDs within 24 hours I had more than 50 of them delivered to my house. If I were up for being social I could see people seven days a week and have good quality time with each person if I wanted. That’s really amazing to me.

So yeah. I’m happy. My life is really great. Yeah, I get angsty sometimes but that’s becoming a lower a lower percentage of my time because when I stop to think about what I have I am blown away by how awesome my life is.

And now I go snuggle my Noah.

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Wow did I hit done with bed rest today. I’ve been up and about too much. Luckily I haven’t had a problem yet. I should stop before I do.

But uhhh some of the cupboards in my kitchen are now much more organized. It was the only thing I could think of to do while sitting relatively still and not lifting anything heavy.

And I’ve folded a freakload of laundry. I no longer have this amusing image in my head of my kid being naked for the whole first week of life. 🙂

I need a house boy/girl for a while. Then I could sit in one place and direct. Then I wouldn’t be driving Noah nuts. Have I mentioned that I love and worship my husband? Have I mentioned that he is the best thing ever? He is so patient and helpful and awesome. But I’m really overwhelming him right now. I need to chill out.

Doesn’t help that I’m not sleeping well right now. The past few nights have involved a lot of nightmares. So I’m all weird and buggy anyway. This too shall pass.

bits and pieces

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-I’m tired. I’m always tired. But it’s nap time now and instead of curling up for my (almost) daily nap I have to go get in the (rental) car and drive to school. Does anyone else see why this is bad? I’m in class until 9:45 tonight. Then I get to drive home. No really. Does anyone else see why this is bad? Considering that I am driving a rental car cause I rear ended someone while falling asleep? Awesome.

-For some reason LJ isn’t showing me icons. Not mine, not anyone else’s and I don’t know why.

-The continued evolution of sex during pregnancy is confusing and difficult and complicated by a few very specific things right now. I really wish I could feel more secure right now.

-I messed up giving Puff her medicine this morning. 🙁 I was overzealous and I managed to push the medicine out harder and faster than is good and I think I sent it “down the wrong pipe.” She struggled to get away after that and was pretty miserable as she kind of coughed/sneezed for a while. I feel bad.

-I’m overall not feeling very intellectually with-it right now. Although, I have to say, despite feeling like I am walking in a foggy haze I like Derrida. He’s a snotty French Deconstructionist. Now I have a name for the pedantic over-analyzing that I like to do! Yay! You can’t take things at face value because language is inherently flawed. This rocks my socks off.

-Including today I have six days of class left. That’s it. Period. That’s the end of my classes for my degree. That’s pretty intense. Of course, I still need to pass the comp exam and the language test. I’ll worry about that later.

-Still feeling kind of sad and withdrawn. I’m sorry I don’t have more to give anyone.

-My therapist should be calling in the next day or two to schedule an appointment. Have I mentioned that I’ve missed her?

-Freaked out about selling the house now. I don’t know how I really feel about the possibility of not moving any year soon because we missed the housing market bubble. It isn’t worth it to sell our house at a really low price. It will mean staying for a while, maybe quite a while. I was really adjusted to the idea of leaving so now I don’t know how to reconcile staying. There are good things about staying, but in my head I was already half gone…

Worth mentioning

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Lately I am sucking ass at responding to people or giving them feedback/attention. Many of my friends could really use some feedback and/or attention right now and I’m just unable to give it. I feel like I am being terrible and selfish but there’s just not much there to give. I’m only responding to emails if I can do it in one line. I was super social for a little over a week and now I’m not making more plans because people need actual attention.

I’m sleeping all day and then I’m still tired enough to rear end someone at 5pm. Those long blinks are a serious problem. (Insert swear words of choice here.)

I need to pull out of this depression jag soon.

Snippets

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We went down to Monterey on Saturday. The day didn’t go how I expected, but it was good anyway. I got to walk on the beach and that was mostly what I was jonesing for.

I haven’t called Katie cause I suck. I know it.

Because of weird holiday-ness I don’t have class tonight so I effectively get two full weeks off from school. This is nice because I don’t want to work and this is bad because it lets me procrastinate on the seminar papers I need to write. Erf.

Today I will go help Miss Jenny pack. Sometimes you just need a little help from your friends. I asked Noah if he was comfortable with me going because I would probably be pretty physical. He’s been very concerned about me not pushing myself too far cause I tend to do that sort of thing physically. Though not this pregnancy. Man am I a slug.

I like to complain. I know this about myself. The thing is–I don’t have much to complain about these days. This is totally awesome on one hand, but it means that I am bitching about stupid shit. Like the fact that I have only gained 12 lbs, but I am still to the point where I have outgrown most of the fucking maternity clothes. I am feeling quite fussy that maternity clothes makers claim that you should keep buying your pre-pregnancy size. BULLSHIT!!!! Right now I am wearing size 18 in maternity clothes. Only it’s hard to bloody *find* size 18 maternity clothes. Maybe I just have no clue where to look? That’s up two full god damn sizes from normal. I don’t understand. And my belly is big enough that my midwife is commenting that I look full term. WTF?! WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?!?!! I’m very confused. And I’m carrying really low. So the “below the belly” maternity pants cut in the middle of the belly and hurt. So I’m rolling them down. This leads to lots of clothing-malfunction-anxiety. Mostly I’m wearing mens XXL pajama bottoms. And feeling like a cow. It’s awesome.

(It’s worth pointing out that I don’t mind being the size I am. I mind that in order to be comfortable I am wearing the ugliest, most shapeless clothing made. I would really appreciate it if I could still wear something cute once in a while. I have some dresses, but then I need to shave my legs [sorry, American guilt is in full force here] and that’s a pain in the ass. And WTF is up with most maternity dresses being above the knee?!?!! Haven’t the fucking clothing makers noticed that I CAN’T CLOSE MY FLIPPIN LEGS ANYMORE!?!?!?!)

I think I’m done now. 🙂

Since it came up.

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I was reminded yesterday that I make a lot of references to my background that I don’t explain at the time. Part of the lack of explanation is that I have written about a lot of it in some detail over the years but I suppose it is complete narcissism to assume that people will go back and read my whole archives (not a small task) in order to find out more about me. 🙂 (I actually do that sometimes. Depends on how busy I am when I pick up a new journal.) I’m also spoiled because Noah has read my whole archive two or three times and since I seem to be the center of his universe, of course I must be for other people as well… right? 🙂 So if you have spent years reading me and you don’t want to see this again, or if you just don’t care, feel free to skip the rest of this post.
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Appreciation

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So uhhh I have had a rather rocky few days. I’ve been really emotional and sad and punchy and difficult to deal with. By and large my friends have been really supportive. I’m glad that I mostly have my friends trained to not tell me to look on the bright side and instead they pat me on the head and validate my feelings. I really appreciate that. Noah is the best husband ever. Even though it was pretty obvious near the end that he was getting frazzled and wore out he was really supportive and awesome. He never put down what I was feeling or told me that I should get over it. (Even when maybe I should.) And so in the end when that string of feeling really fussy and unhappy got worked through I don’t feel bad about having gone through it. I’m pregnant and largely at the mercy of hormones. I have friends and a husband who love me and tolerate my moods. My life is really good.

And then I went and got a pretty neat rocker today from . Too bad I left the cushion at her house. 🙂 Guess I’ll have to see if anyone up in the east bay wants to see me sometime this week so I can make the drive multi-purpose. 🙂

+/-

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+ Listening to Barack Obama’s speech. He’s a fucking amazing speaker.
– Getting back my short paper with an embarrassing number of grammar mistakes. I don’t know where my head is.
+ Being more generally cheerful about the Lizard hatching.
– Why do I always manage to have a couple of people in each class who detest me and make it obvious? Am I really *that* obnoxious?
+ Yay Spring Break!
– Boo having to write my term papers in the next four weeks. Ew.
+ I’m amused by how often questions have come up in different forums about playing while pregnant. I don’t remember seeing this question much over the years and now I’ve seen it in I think seven different places.
+ Friends who are making an effort to see me. Thank you!
+ Lots of neato comments/conversation lately on lj. Yay!
+ Noah. Cause you know… just awesome. He’s like that.
+ For finally taking the risk of buying bras online. I may have to send them back for sizing, but damnit… I finally did it.
– I’m rapidly expanding out of my pants. Can it hurry up and get warm and stay warm already? (Neiner to you out of state people. We’ve had a lot of high 60’s lately. 🙂
– The house is not sold. No offers. No real interest in even looking. 🙁
+ The shirt and underwear (and rope) showed up from Monk. I’m thinking pictures will be very amusing. 🙂
+ Talking to Tom a bit more. I’m really excited that we are more to a place where I will actually use the word “friend” to describe our relationship. And I get to be excited about the good things happening in his life. It’s nice when awesome people find a partner who matches them and makes them happy. And dude is doing yoga!! I’m so tweaked by this. 🙂 Yay for making life improvements.
– Need to stop reading blogs that irritate me. My life is really good–why am I looking for reasons to be annoyed?
+ Apologizing to Mo for being a twat. I feel better when I get to say I’m sorry. Good thing she still loves me.
– People I haven’t called lately. I should try harder. Miss them.

Boring.

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Right now my life consists of: reading literary criticism, reading assigned novels for class, cleaning the house (we have to keep it ridiculously clean for open houses), playing sudoku (I can beat the medium level in under 6 minutes consistently), chatting (thank you GOD for IM), going to physical care appointments and birth classes, and obsessing about pregnancy.

No wonder when I get to see people I am super duper cheerful about seeing them. 🙂 We are managing social about twice a week and I’m so grateful when I get to see people. This is a really really good time to want to come visit me. I don’t have a lot of energy and I am getting more and more physically limited, but I can walk around the park. Driving is really not fun for my back so I’m not going too far if I don’t have to. Large parties are not very interesting because they tend to be full of people I don’t know and I’m not exactly feeling outgoing/gregarious in that way. I can’t win over a room right now. So really, if you have been saying, “Oh! I would like to see her!” This would be a good time. If you wanting to see me involves me having to do a lot of effort and/or driving I may turn you down cause I am lame. But if people want to come here that would be awesome. 🙂