A brat asked: What question, self examination or otherwise, would you least like to be asked about now?

And what question, self examination or otherwise, would you most like to be asked about now?

A long time ago, when I was a little girl, I remember my father taking me shooting. At the end of the day we were back at his house and he was cleaning the guns and I was sorta helping. He picked up one of the hand guns and held it to my head and asked me, “Do you deserve to live?”

I don’t want to be asked that right now.

I don’t actually know specifically what I want to be asked. This week has had some massively hard bumps and despite the fact that I am doing really well at my job right now I am very much feeling like a waste of oxygen. I would like for a question to exist that would lead me to believe I have some worth. But I don’t know that such a question exists.

I was asked why I have chosen to be so open about my sex life.

It’s complicated. See, I grew up in a family where sex and discussions of sex were extraordinarily common and yet we were supposed to be ashamed of it. Sex was introduced to me at a ridiculously young age and I have been preoccupied with it for most of my life. When I was a teenager I was really into it, but I was called names and told I was bad and shamed for it. I always thought that was wrong. Why were people so upset that I was having sex? It didn’t make sense. Then when I had the first of a series of break downs I realized that I couldn’t keep secrets anymore. I don’t do anything that I am ashamed of, so why should I hide it?

I have also gotten to the point where my being out is a matter of principle and example. Me being this out lets other people see that their interests/activities aren’t anything to be shamed of. It’s a big deal to me. I didn’t originally set out to be a poster child, it just kinda happened. But it works and I’m happy with it.

Now I have seen : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYhlm9GTAQ0&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eyesbutnobutyes%2Ecom%2Farchives%2F2007%2F02%2Flunch%5Fhour%5Fveg%5F104%2Ehtml and thank you so much for sharing it. I am very happy.

I was also asked where I would like to travel outside the country next. Hmmmm…. In my ideal world probably Italy or Germany. Noah is more inclined towards Asia though, so we’ll see. 🙂

To entertain me while kidlets are writing.

“Ok, what would be hardest to live without, what would would be easiest. The choices are clothes, sex, chocolate, books and your car. Please list them in order of hardest to easiest, and any additional commetary you wish to make is up to you.”

and “What are the 5 most important qualities I think a parent should have?”

Hardest to easiest: sex, clothes, books, car, chocolate. I don’t even like chocolate, that wasn’t a competition. Yeah, I’m not giving up sex buddy. HELL no. But I’m shy. 😀

I think parents should be patient, positive (in the encouraging kind of way), good listeners, stamina (kids are exhausting), and most importantly–parents need to be able to have good boundaries. So they can model them and so they can survive the little twerps.

Last year a tradition was started by a few really neato people. I’m going to copy it.

March is question month. You can ask any question. It can be as personal or non-personal as you want and I am screening the questions. I will also let you ask anonymously if you want.

I wonder if I will actually get any. 🙂

1. I hate to vacuum.
Truth (When I was in a 24/7 M/s relationship it was part of my contract that I did not have to vacuum. That was the one household task my owner was responsible for. I really hate to vacuum.)
2. I eat McDonald’s in every country I travel to.
Truth (I really do! I like to see what is different on the menu and eat that. They had a cool chicken/pineapple sandwich in Australia.)
3. In the third grade I was beaten every day at school.
Truth (For a combination of swearing and not doing the work up to standards. I just would not conform to what they wanted. I hate Oklahoma.)
4. I am the youngest of four children.
Truth (This one is sort of a technicality. I was born the youngest of four. One of my elder brothers has died.)
5. During my lifetime I have attended 31 schools.
Truth (Yup, my mom is a crazy bitch.)
6. I am a high school drop out.
Truth (I technically dropped out in my freshman year and then again my junior year. I never came back after the first semester of my junior year.)
7. I spent many/most of my formative years not living with my nuclear family.
Truth (My mom would send me to live with different people all through my childhood. I spent most of the time with my aunt and uncle, but often I lived with family friends–some of whom I didn’t really know before I was sent to live with them.)
8. As a teenager I pierced my ear with a needle in my bedroom.
Truth (I was angsty and shit.)
9. I have been admitted to psych wards multiple times.
Truth (Yup. I am actually certifiable. I had a few break downs when I was 15. It was a bad year.)
10. I am obsessed with movies and books that depict Christian theology.
Truth (Very much so. I feel a lot of connection to the religion that rejected me. I’ve always been fascinated by this stuff that entraps millions.)
11. I have a high school diploma.
Truth (I earned it through doing college courses and then I showed up at the graduation and freaked people out. It was funny.)
12. I was interviewed twice about my reaction to Clinton being elected as President during his initial inauguration.
Truth (I was in Washington DC with my middle school on a field trip. For some reason multiple tv crews picked me to interview. I completely made an ass of myself because I didn’t know shit about politics and I made stuff up. I’m kind of lame.)
13. In high school the vice principal walked in while I and three friends were playing strip hearts and he didn’t stop us.
Truth (Yeah, the techies at my high school got away with murder.
14. I once took Karate classes for six weeks but I had to stop for emotional reasons.
Truth (I kicked a boy and made him cry–I was supposed to do this–I couldn’t live with myself for making a boy twice my size cry.)
15. I was thrown into a pool before I was a year old and not retrieved.
Truth (I learned to swim before I could walk. My sister was an evil person… wait, what is this ‘was’??)
16. I have twice left on three week trips and ended up coming home early because I couldn’t handle the homesickness.
Truth (Australia when I was 19 and NY a few weeks ago…)
17. I have left the country to travel with someone I had maybe four dates with before the trip.
Truth (It was a very awkward trip. I wish that I would have had better communication skills at the time. I really sucked. Thanks for not hating me Chris!!)
18. I have gone to another country with an ex when we otherwise weren’t speaking.
Truth (Tom and I won a trip to Ireland and it was scheduled way out and we went anyway even though I broke up with him. It was complicated.)
19. I have broken my left arm twice and my right arm once.
Truth (When I was 6, 12, and 18. When I was 6 I was thrown off the monkey bars. When I was 12 I fell off a tv stand because I was rooting around high in a cupboard trying to figure out what my mom had hidden in it. When I was 18 I was dropped as Tom prepped me for my first suspension. Suck. I’m almost through my 24th year, I’m praying I break the 6 year cycles…)
20. I have more had more than 125 stitches in my body.
Truth (I have stitches on my foot, my eyebrow, and my cheek. I was attacked by a pit bull when I was 5. Yay for good surgeons giving me back a face.)
21. My hair was completely straight when I was a child.
Truth (Puberty was not kind to me. I used to have OPTIONS!!!!)
22. I was an assistant stage manager for the same show twice in six months.
Truth (I hate Oliver! with a passion though I still sing the songs.)
23. I managed to randomly flirt with a complete stranger on OkCupid and later discover that I was the fourth girl that he and my primary had dated at the
same time.
Truth (It was trippy. I have to say that one of the girls they shared was a total loser, another is now a man, one is me, and the other seems very cool. I bet I would like her.)
24. I have never passed out from drinking alcohol.
False! (I did this in January. I’m not proud. Damn you Dan.)
25. I have dated people who were no longer the gender they were born.
Truth (The comment: “I bet you did more than date…” Was rather apropos.
26. I flipped a student off in class.
Truth (Oh it was bad. They never let me live it down…)
27. My brother once deliberately encouraged one of his friends to beat me up because he wanted to watch.
Truth (I hated Tommy. He was such a bastard.)
28. I can’t swim in a dark pool at night without being terrified that some monster is going to eat me.
Truth (Jaws scarred me for life.)
29. I have walked on ground that was probably never walked on by a human before.
Truth (I went backpacking in remote areas of Alaska where we had to fly a small plane to get there. It was cool.)
30. I went skinny dipping in Australia outside the shark net area.
Truth (I didn’t want to dig out my bathing suit but I wanted to at least get in the water right before I went home. And they weren’t that hip on skinny dipping so I went outside the main swimming area. It freaked me out, but I did it!!)

I saw this as a meme when I was journal-surfing. I liked it. I will now tell you 30 things and only one of them will be untrue. Comments will be screened for 48 hours as people guess which one they think is a lie. I will respond to the comments (And keep them screened) until the end of that period when the winner(s) will get some sort of prize to be determined later.

1. I hate to vacuum.
2. I eat McDonald’s in every country I travel to.
3. In the third grade I was beaten every day at school.
4. I am the youngest of four children.
5. During my lifetime I have attended 31 schools.
6. I am a high school drop out.
7. I spent many/most of my formative years not living with my nuclear family.
8. As a teenager I pierced my ear with a needle in my bedroom.
9. I have been admitted to psych wards multiple times.
10. I am obsessed with movies and books that depict Christian theology.
11. I have a high school diploma.
12. I was interviewed twice about my reaction to Clinton being elected as President during his initial inauguration.
13. In high school the vice principal walked in while I and three friends were playing strip hearts and he didn’t stop us.
14. I once took Karate classes for six weeks but I had to stop for emotional reasons.
15. I was thrown into a pool before I was a year old and not retrieved.
16. I have twice left on three week trips and ended up coming home early because I couldn’t handle the homesickness.
17. I have left the country to travel with someone I had maybe four dates with before the trip.
18. I have gone to another country with an ex when we otherwise weren’t speaking.
19. I have broken my left arm twice and my right arm once.
20. I have more had more than 125 stitches in my body.
21. My hair was completely straight when I was a child.
22. I was an assistant stage manager for the same show twice in six months.
23. I managed to randomly flirt with a complete stranger on OkCupid and later discover that I was the fourth girl that he and my primary had dated at the same time.
24. I have never passed out from drinking alcohol.
25. I have dated people who were no longer the gender they were born.
26. I flipped a student off in class.
27. My brother once deliberately encouraged one of his friends to beat me up because he wanted to watch.
28. I can’t swim in a dark pool at night without being terrified that some monster is going to eat me.
29. I have walked on ground that was probably never walked on by a human before.
30. I went skinny dipping in Australia outside the shark net area.