Tag Archives: rant

Judgmental

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I struggle with just how bitchy I am. I hate hearing the complaints in my head. One of the loudest ones lately is my feelings about SUVs.

I now live in a town that was literally constructed to the width of pre-motorisation carriages. My road is a single track farm road. I measured it during the pandemic when we were told to stay 2m away from people and from one side of the pavement to the other it *barely* makes 2m so if you want to be a full 2m away from other pedestrians you both have to stand on the dirt on either side of the road, not on the road. Land Rovers are 1,996mm wide. So basically there is 4mm less than 2m wide for a fucking Land Rover. Not even a full fucking centimeter. Lots of people drive them up my road to the farm store on a Saturday. They have no fucking patience for me on my bike.

An accident with a pedestrian and an SUV is 25% more likely to be fatal than an accident with a pedestrian and a more appropriate sized car. Catastrophic injury is also significantly higher. If an SUV is traveling under 20mph it is fairly unlikely to kill someone in an accident. If it is going over 40mph it is pretty guaranteed to kill someone. I can ride my bike at 16-18mph through most of town. I get close-passed by SUVs (because they literally can’t give me the legal amount of space because they take up so fucking much room) every single day I ride. They are going much faster than me and they show their ire at me for existing on the road by gunning the engine hard. A minor misjudgment on their part in that case could very easily be fatal to me.

Fuck SUVs and fuck the selfish fucking pricks who buy them. If that’s you, I don’t know what to tell you.

SUVs pollute more, are less fuel efficient, and are substantially more dangerous to other road users. Sure the people inside the death-machine are “safer” than the vulnerable people they will roll over. Whoo. How fucking awesome for you selfish twats.

I absolutely understand why some people need trucks. I get that. I have never seen a demonstration of why people actually need to do their daily driving in an SUV. “I have hobbies that have big equipment”–get a fucking roof rack on a smaller vehicle. “I carpool”–how often? What percentage of the time? How much are you polluting the environment and risking the safety of every other road user for that tiny fraction of the time you drive your death-machine?

Yeah the vehicle that hit me recently was a fucking SUV. His justification for not fucking stopping? “I thought you should go through the intersection.” He couldn’t see the fucking car that was coming on the cross road so he thought I should get out of his way. FUCK SUVS. FUCK SUVS. FUCK SUVS.

Yesterday Eldest Child and I were stuck in traffic trying to get into the leisure centre. It was wall to fucking wall SUVs. We could not filter through traffic (as is recommended by cycling organisations to minimize our exposure to breathing your toxic emissions you selfish twats) because the entire fucking road was blocked from side to side. So we got to sit behind an SUV for 10 minutes trying to get into a parking lot breathing that shit. We aren’t inside a vehicle filtration system, we just get a face full of exhaust. If we leave too much room between us and the vehicle in front of us we get honked at and shouted at by someone behind us in a death-machine who is upset about a whole 2m of empty road in front of them during stopped traffic.

Fuck SUVs.

It’s getting to the point where if someone hops out of an SUV for a meet up I instantly don’t like them. I think they are a shitty, selfish person. I don’t think everyone must be on a bike. I don’t judge people feeling like they need a car. They are dead useful and not everyone can handle cycling because they don’t have the time/physical ability/whatever. I get that I will have to share the road with cars, no problem. But fucking SUVs? Naw, they should be banned. When they park on the side of the road they obliterate the bike lane.

Oh, and the close pass fuckwad who got out of his vehicle to come back and scream in my face and slap my hand when I took his photograph? SUV.

Fuck SUVs. And fuck you if you own one.

freecycle is awesome and awful.

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Between Craigslist and freecycle I am trying to off-load approximately a large bedroom worth of stuff. (It’s only that big because one of the things is the shed from our yard.) Some of the things listed are: bag of kids clothes sized 6m-3t, mixed genders and seasons. I think it is fucking hilarious how many people send me emails asking for pictures of all the clothes, uhm dude if I went to that much trouble I’d put them on fucking ebay, and for me to sort out specific things in the exact sizes/styles/genders they want. No. That’s not how this works, folks. I say, “Hey! Bag of free shit!” You say, “Cool! I’ll be right over!” (Or, “Can I come after work”–we don’t discriminate against people with jobs in this house.)

And dude who aggressively said he wanted to come get the shed today for 20% less than I listed it for? No. And you may not have my address.

eta: I’m noticing my writing getting worse. Many more mistakes. I blame the child running into my leg.

Ranting about ‘green’ shit

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Fewer people to offend on lj than facebook. My typing will suck. Going around sleeping kids is hard.

I read various “Go Green!” things and uhm… I’m actually kind of appalled that they exist because the recommended things are all so fucking basic. Recycling. Give me a fucking break. There is NO reason to not recycle. It’s fucking braindead. Come on people. Try not to use paper towels/plates/etc. Uhm yeah. What the fuck is wrong with people that they think convenience justifies using one use items constantly? HAVE YOU NOTICED OUR PROBLEMS WITH LANDFILLS YOU DUMB FUCKS?!

I might be offending a few people here but I kind of can’t find it in my heart to care. My neighbor says that their dishwasher broke so they’ve been using all disposable stuff because they can’t deal with doing dishes. I want to tell her that she is a lazy piece of shit, but I don’t. (And it’s not just her. That household has two less-than-full-time adults, one late teen-early20’s daughter from the husband’s former marriage, and a boy Shanna’s age.) They could get freakin dishes done. It’s not like they cook much anyway. How hard is it to just eat out of the take out containers you are wasting anyway. 😛

I will confess that some ‘Go Green!’ advice bugs me. Recommending that even if you only have a couple of cloth diapers it’s an improvement over using disposables full time is… maybe true. The problem is that most people will still wash the cloth diapers separately out of fear of feces contamination (not a completely out of left field worry) so they are doing daily half or less full loads of diaper laundry. That’s not actually a great choice in terms of overall ‘eco-friendliness’, ya know? Think about how many gallons of water you are using. I am a big fan of cloth diapers, don’t get me wrong… but only having 10 cloth diapers means you shouldn’t be doing it at all. Seriously. You are wasting so much water. I suppose if you can get past the normal squeamishness and wash them in with regular clothes it’s a good thing. But I doubt people are doing that. Really.

(Sarah is stuck in her house thanks to a blizzard and wants stuff to read. So uhm maybe I’ll be ranting more. 😛 )

And… a random whine.

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So I’ve been participating in a raw milk co-op for about a year. The co-op is presented as “everyone pays the price the milk costs plus a $1 delivery fee each drop off”. Not a problem. Last drop off one of my milks wasn’t there so the whole group had to share the cost of the milk. Erf, but ok.

Today I looked at the receipt left with the milk because I was the first person to pick up. The prices listed were $3/skim milk and $5/whole milk. Thing is, she charges us $4.75/skim and $6/whole. Uhhh… wait a minute. If she wants to charge a markup and make money, fine–but be fucking honest about it. And why in the fuck do I (the only person who buys skim) pay a much steeper markup than the whole milk people?! That seems inappropriate. And why is everyone charged a delivery fee when she is already making money?! And why do we have to share out the cost of a fuck up when she is already making money?!

I’m feeling cranky. If I’m going to be fucked over on the cost of milk I might as well buy it at a grocery store where they are at least honest about fucking me over.

Cranky pants

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I’ve got my cranky pants on, oh yes I do.
I’ve got my cranky pants on, how ’bout you?
We can do a dance in our cranky pants,
And then we’ll go to the zoo.

This bit of dorkiness brought to you by the letters I H A T E N O A H S J O B. It’s a busy day for letters.

It’s awfully hard not to be cranky at Noah when I’m cranky at his job. I know that he’s not happy either so I then feel extra guilty for being a butthead. ARGH! URF! HATES THEM PRECIOUS!!!

Things that irritate me.

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ants.
my shoulder hurting so that it keeps me awake while Shanna nurses ALL NIGHT LONG. (normally I can sleep through it and it doesn’t matter. there seems to be a protest building.)
waiting an hour and a half to have breakfast with Noah while he sleeps in. I should have eaten as soon as I got up with Shanna.
knowing that people are still breathing who piss me off. (it’s that kind of day.)
my arms hurting.
my head hurting.
stupid piece of crap Wuthering Heights. what a terrible book.
have I mentioned the fucking ants?
my cat getting whiny and needy when Shanna cries.
a variety of people who have hit my shitlist for their stupidity and/or obnoxiousness.

I could go on but I doubt I am helping my mood.

Catty? Me?

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Sometimes. At the class on Wednesday someone I had a week long fling with a few years ago gave me a hug, which was fine, then put his hand in to touch my belly. I grabbed it and smacked it the way you do with a little kid. He then pulled back and looked upset so I thought I should send him an email afterwards. The thread hasn’t gone how I expected.

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Clucking Chickens

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I’m not going to be nice for a few minutes–try to contain your shock.

There is something that has always bothered me about being an English major. I can’t tell if it is worse in grad school or not. It is certainly more noticeable in grad school.

The makeup of the department (student-wise) is: a few guys, a few older women, and the clucking chickens. The clucking chickens are generally on the younger side in at least behavior and usually in age as well. These are the (mostly white) girls who are studying English because it is a genteel, proper, middle-class sort of thing to study. I can’t tell what most of them want to *do* with the degree. Some of them want to be teachers because it is a genteel sort of occupation. It is really fucking obvious that many of them consider teaching a reasonable thing to do before they get married. (*cough* I’m going to sit in my glass house and enjoy the weather now.)

But the point is that sitting in class with these chicks is often painful. They don’t talk, they squee in high pitched voices about, “OHMYGOD THE CRUISE I AM GOING ON THIS SUMMER IS GOING TO BE SO COOL SO I AM GOING TO THE GYM SEVEN DAYS A WEEK SO I CAN LOOK GOOD IN A BIKINI AND OHMYGOD I’M TOTALLY GOING TO STARVE MYSELF FOR A WEEK BEFORE THE CRUISE BECAUSE THAT WAY I CAN HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ALCOHOL AND NOT LOOK LIKE A BLOATED COW AND…” I don’t think they ever pause for breath. They make me twitch. (This was a conversation I had no choice but to listen to this week.) The room is generally divided into the silent half (the guys, the older women, and uhm… me) and the way-too-talkative half. The clucking chickens also have side conversations while the teacher is talking and that drives me batshit insane. It is so rude. I think this would bother me less if they were actually stupid, but they aren’t. They have interesting and insightful things to say during class. Why do they have to mix it with being the worst stereotypes of females possible?

*sigh*

Frustrated.

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My job takes a lot of time and energy in a thousand different ways. I have to deal with 150+ diverse personalities every day. I have to prepare material to start with and then later grade it. I have to deal with coworkers, many of whom I don’t like much. More and more kids are coming to me to dump their emotional problems. I’m glad I can help them, but it takes a lot of energy. (‘Nother kid today.) BTSA is going to be a serious pain in my ass, but I have to do it. At least my mentor doesn’t suck and I don’t have to repeat the stuff I did last year.

Having a house requires me to clean and fix stuff. I am supposed to prepare healthy food multiple times a day (yeah fucking right–we so eat out of the microwave). Noah has been doing way more than his share.

The Interloper is *not* being accepted by Puff. Which means that both cats are pissed constantly. This results in Puff hissing and not allowing affection and the Interloper is crying constantly and I am having fantasies of harming her. This isn’t good. The Interloper can’t remain in our household.

TNG Con stuff is starting to come faster and harder. I have less than 5 months until D-Day. I have a big job and people who want me to do stuff above and beyond my job. I want to cry or quit or something. I will never ever sign on for this shit again.

I’m sick of having fucking yeast infections constantly. It burns and itches. It is driving me nuts.

I’m sick of people telling me how to get pregnant. It is getting to the point where I am pretty nasty when people start lecturing me on what I “should” do to get pregnant. I don’t want to have sex anymore. Sex isn’t fun. It seems frustrating and disappointing.

I’m not in the mood to talk about how people interact and why it doesn’t work for someone or what they want to get out of their community. I feel like this problem is being laid at my feet and I don’t want to fucking hear it.

And we need to unpack from last weekend, but when? I get to go to a fucking meeting (oh wait, TWO fucking meetings) tomorrow night. Noah has declared Friday to be a coding night (he’s bloody earned it, that doesn’t mean I’m good at being patient with him doing computer stuff while I clean up after *us*). I’m supposed to go dancing, but it seems like a really bad idea considering the rest of my weekend. Saturday I have to go to a training from 9-12. Then we get to have dinner and go see a play with one of Noah’s fucking legion of ex’s. Seeing most of them is anxiety inducing and stressful for me for no good reason at all. Sunday we are hosting a tantra class and the last thing I am in the mood to do right now is be patient or spiritual or breathe. I’m going to be fussy if people cancel though because it will feel like one more thing to happen.

I just want to scream. If you decide to give me well meaning advice don’t feel surprised if you are kicked off my friends list. I don’t want to fucking hear it. This phase will pass, but I’m fucking frustrated.

Maybe it’s you.

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I liked the meme that was “10 things you want to say to people”. I’m not going to pat anyone on the head and say, “Oh honey, of course I don’t mean you” so don’t bother asking for it.

1. Fuck you.
2. I find it particularly hypocritical that you allow me to be in a position you don’t want to be in yourself. Grow a fucking backbone.
3. Wow, you are so being used. I hope the sex is worth it.
4. Grow up. No really, grow up. It’s past fucking time you stop acting like a child.
5. Being prepared isn’t some magical occurance that just happens to some people. You need to take responsibility for yourself and actually get your shit done.
6. I hate you. I would feel kind of guilty for it, but I would cheerfully dance on your fucking grave you stupid piece of shit.
7. Quite whining about the situations you get yourself into over and over and over again. No one wants to hear it. You would be amazed at who all talks shit about you behind your back.
8. Stop patronizing me you fucker. And don’t correct my pronunciation when I am in a bad mood, dick.
9. Don’t ask him to touch you again. He isn’t yours. Ask your own boy to touch you.
10. I’m tired of being nice to you. Why the fuck can’t you do something well and truly deserving of me hating you so that I can stop feeling guilty for it.

Bitching about tribe and the bdsm community in general.

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For a while now I have felt that I will not support the Citadel by going to parties or playing there because the favortism and attitudes that the owners have towards their little pets. I went to classes periodically because that was the only place to see those classes. I have decided that I am better off missing those events. I won’t give that space one more dollar of my money. I have no respect for the way it is being run, for the gossip, for the bullshit posturing, for the ridiculous ass-kissing, for any of it really. I want nothing to do with the space in any way. They repeatedly delete all threads that specifically list complaints with how the space is being run and then say, “Well, why don’t you volunteer if you want things to be different!” Because volunteering there does nothing to change the system. The well is poisoned from the very top and that can’t/won’t be fixed by volunteering. Instead, I will vote with my feet and my wallet.

I’ve been around long enough to know that I just need to be patient. This space will go away eventually.

*sigh*

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I want this weekend to be over already. I am tired of arguments. I am tired of being wrong. I am tired of the shift key on my keyboard not working properly.

And I am fucking tired because despite the fact that I was in bed really early last night I just couldn’t sleep. Starting this week I have to be out of my house an hour or more before I have been waking up for the past year. I am trying to switch my schedule around now so that I actually function this week.

I am tired of being the grown up. I am tired of having to always be the one to apologize. I am tired of constantly being fucking wrong. I’m starting to think I’m not fucking wrong. Maybe someone needs to get their god damn head out of their ass.