Tag Archives: scheduling

You only have so much time

I don’t know how much of my difficulty in regulation/scheduling/consistency is rooted in my neurodiversity but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out it is most of the reason. When I was younger, in order to get stuff done for school/theatre/projects, I would write meticulous schedules like I was gettin a CEO through meetings. People told me that my schedule looked terrifying and nightmarish and they could never do it. I always found that confusing because I was trying to do the same amount of stuff I saw them doing and I couldn’t understand how they managed without tracking it down the 5 minute block.

This becomes a big problem when I have projects that I can’t get done in a reasonable amount of time given all the other schedule considerations (bathroom remodel, painting this house) and I toss my regulation out the window to fall into flow and hyperfocus around work. I could absolutely be a crazy genius who only ran on the spark from my own motor but I would be horrible to live with and I don’t think I’d be a good mother.

Being a good mother is the task I care most about. Over being a good friend. Over being a good tool. Over being a good wife. My kids are neurodiverse and really struggling in a few key ways. Ways that I could fix if I excised most of the filler I’ve added to my schedule and went back to basics.

I’m part of a lot of unschooling support groups and in many ways I deeply respect it. Many of them even focus on neurodiversity and finding ways to help folks allow their quirky little people to focus on being emotionally ok over productivity. I can understand that. But in every conversation around parenting priorities and supporting children there are a lot of factors that are hard to talk about without it being an argument when I really don’t think it should be. I love when folks can feel safe and confident and say, “We’ve tried a bunch of stuff and what works for us is ______.” I’m here for it all day. I may take inspiration from 1% of what you are doing and the rest isn’t for me but that doesn’t mean you should change!

Every family is a mix of personalities, experiences, strengths, skills, challenges, disadvantages, cultural perspective, gendered socialisation, education, and ambition.

People who are neurodiverse need coping skills for living in a world that is not suited to people who are constantly distracted by shiny butterflies. I’m not saying we need to learn how to fit in or how to conform more and stick out less, fuck that. What I am saying is that we need to survive and that means we need to look for ways of adapting information and tasks to our ability to follow through.

So. I have been loosely keeping my life together for decades with paper planners. I will also use white boards and online calendars as supplements but I am a paper girl. I neeeeeeeed to write it down. The act of holding the pen and writing it down creates the picture in my mind I can bring up later. All days of looking at a computer calendar blur together in a mass and I can’t get a clear mental picture of any one day in particular. But paper calendars can’t make my watch harass me. So, both!

Today I begin the indoctrination of usage of a planner. They will live on the table in the kitchen. We will track things. We will write down our to do lists. We will talk about what we need to do during the day and block out how we will get it all done.

Because of my intense habit of overworking or adding in things last minute I am including private down time for all of us. We neeeeed to be able to rest and self soothe sometimes. The cheese falls off my cracker if I don’t have this time. It’s a need. We need to exercise–we have upcoming plans (more on that later) and we need to be fit enough to enjoy that time. If you don’t train and work up gradually you are going to suffer a lot. If you won’t enjoy this trip you have scheduled… why pay for it?

I think that part of this is going to include me needing to get up earlier and come out side to write. The random “I have to say something ok fine Facebook” posting needs to come to an end. I am curating that in such odd ways. I need to go back to writing for me with the whole story attached. I don’t think I’m opening up the archives at this point, but I need this.

I need this in order to track what I’m doing with the kids. I need this so I can communicate more clearly with Noah. I need this because it makes me happy. I need this because writing is what makes me feel like a whole synthesised system. Most of the time I feel like a collection of separate personalities/actions that barely overlap. But I am whole. I am complete in ways I never anticipated. I think the hibernation of not really talking/writing about my emotions for several years was useful in a way. I had to put everything in a box, tape it up, then stick it in a cupboard. When I have peaked in the box over the years for brief seconds it’s been remarkable how much smaller, less intimidating, less dominating than they used to be. Even the experiment with stimulant medication was not anywhere near as bad as it could have been in the end.

(Lisdexamfetamine situation is in a weird limbo. Won’t be able to talk to a new person till the 19th. 40mg was too high and was becoming a problem. Then scheduling challenges.)

Like that. I am not going to explain all of that right now but I’m allowed to put a pin here. I would feel awkward doing that on Facebook.

It is incredibly dramatic to me the way that none of the Scots use Facebook the way my American friends do. But then again… almost every single person I am friends with from the States are people who are old-school BBS users or people from livejournal or academics and many many many of us are ok with being very public and loud and messy about our ups and downs and our struggles and our neurodiversities.

It’s weird that I am going to have to keep the writing on the downlow-ish. I need to not mention to people that I do it. But if people google me, Hi!. I should change the splash page with trigger warnings.

This is the beginning of our fourth year in this house. Lockdowns have dramatically altered the flow of time. *They say that it takes 7 years to feel like you really belong in a new community. I think that will take more than that to really feel settled I can see glimmers of that forming. When you plant a vine there is an adage that you should expect the vine to sleep the first year and put all of its energy into putting down roots instead of growing up In the second year it will creep a little and you will wonder if you did something wrong or maybe you killed it. Then in the third year it will leap and grow massively.

I am looking at those three time considerations and trying to build a theory for myself of what I am aiming for. Oh, and child development. Ha. I think I started creeping before I was really fully ready. I had more sleeping to do but the children’s needs and the challenges of joining a community meant I didn’t really allow myself to just sleep in my space. I hit the ground running.

I need a schedule. I need to keep it. I need to measure my time and weigh out the importance of the various factors and I need to change what I have been doing in some very big ways. Or I am going to fail on the very most important job at all. The one I have 14 more years on. All the other everything will probably still be around in one form or another. In reality I have about 10 more years before being a mother is not my primary all day role. What do I want to do with it?

I see what is going on with the kids. It’s time to build a new scaffold and then I have to fucking stay in it. They cannot build their scaffold if I am not in place. They aren’t ready for doing it from the ground up. This is the deal.

Time is up for the day. Now, breakfast.

*whoever “they” are

(tmi) I’m going to need a score card.

12/8: first date. okcupid person.  excellent long emails.  we've been conversing for a couple of weeks.
12/9: spending time with a friend followed by a hot date at a womens bdsm party.  I win.
12/12: first date with person I know through mutual friends.  This may be the most intimidating thing on the agenda.  
12/15: first date. okcupid person.  few messages but his profile sounds like he may be exactly what I wanted for a one-night stand.  

I uhhh probably shouldn't go out on another date before Christmas.  I didn't mean for them to all get bunched up like this.  Goodness.

Scheduling

Tomorrow I am going to drop Noah off at work. That will put me in Sunnyvale early in the morning. Thus far I have no plans for how I am going to spend the day. I am open to lunch. I am open to hanging out. I think that bouncing around in the car as little as possible is best for Shanna, but otherwise please feel free to suggest something.

Mmmm sex

We are now registered for a tantra class on Becoming Multi-Orgasmic. I understand that this is like shooting fish in a barrel for me, but maybe I will learn a new trick or two and having Noah learn more woule be very very hot. It is happening the weekend of September 14-16 up in Harbin Hot Springs (where I’ve never been). It would be way fun if other people decided to come toojoin us. Information can be found at: http://www.ecstaticliving.com/workshops/Bmulti-orgasmic.html

My friend Chris is also trying to move up the ladder of tantra training and one of the things he needs to do is teach intro-level tantra classes. Because intro-level tantra classes are often pretty small he has asked me if he can borrow my living room for some of them. This also means he has indicated to me that the classes can go from their usual (high) price to basically free. Not renting a space is awesome like that. Being me, I would feel more comfortable if the classes were mainly people I know so here I am trolling to see if anyone would like to come to a tantra class. 🙂 Feel free to contact me for more information and I can push you towards Chris as well. I actually think this would be a really awesome thing to participate in with people I know and really trust so I’m hoping some of you are willing to give it a shot.

In other news, after sticking my foot in my mouth yesterday with Anna I did something I haven’t done in ages–I spent the day masturbating. Holy cow can I have a lot of orgasms when I decide to spend the time on it. Much yay!

In other, other news… I noticed that I have just about a month until I start work again. If you want to spend time with me, now is the time to arrange that. Particularly if you have any day-time available.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

Also known as the last day of school!!!

I would like to get out and be more social. I miss going to parties, but my bandwidth for large groups is likely to stay small for a while as I decompress from work. I am really interested in seeing people.

So! When/what/where would be interesting? Anyone want to see me? (Make the assumption that night time engagements will include Noah unless very specifically stated.) I’m not promising that I will meet absolutely every request for time, but I miss people lots and would like to get in some social time before my brain is sucked out again.

White Trash Movie Marathon

Since I’m forcibly having a tooth removed (Dear God this shall be Not Fun) on Friday I figure that Saturday is a good day to not do much. So I’m going to watch movies. 🙂

I’m thinking of starting off with one of my favorite trilogies: Smokey and the Bandit. If you haven’t seen 2 and 3… well, you aren’t missing much. But I like them. 🙂

Then, depending on the whims of Netflix, I shall move on to: Convoy, Stroker Ace, and Hooper.

If Netflix lets me down, I have movies still in their wrappers I haven’t watched recently.

I am not offering food as I will be wincingly injesting jello, smoothies, and pudding. All I will ask is that someone at least occasionally lets out a “Yeee Haw!” with me. 🙂

{dirty} Going out?

I have a wonderful friend here from Boston and he would like to go to the pervy venues. We are going to BaGG and we plan to hit PE and Edges. I would really like it if lots of people could come with us so I am soliciting the opinions of people as to which nights would be best for PE and Edges.

Come on! It would be fun!

Date watching

I’m obsessed with keeping track of time. I’m just like that. Some big upcoming dates.

August 29: Kids come back to school.
September 1: I run off to Burning Man
September 9: The wedding of my oldest friend. (I have known Britt since birth.)
September 10: The wedding reception of the man I negotiated poly to date. He married the gorgeous woman he was dating when I fell for him. I’m so glad that I got to love him and then to love her as well. (Not that way you filthy perverts.) Congratulations again to you both. I’m so happy for you both.
September 10: I turn 25.
September 14: I will have been dating Spot for six months. Damn how time flies.
September 15-17: Roadtrip to Disneyland with my lovely Noah and with Spot. Heh. We’ll see if this poly experiment crashes and burns. I have high hopes. (Hell, I already know all the drama will come from me because they are both so mellow. Let’s see how stupid I act.)
September 20: Spot’s birthday. He is going to be hella old, but I won’t rat on him and report just *how* old.
September 28: Six months since Noah dropped a huge bomb on me.
September 30: Next tat sitting. *shudder*

Good god. I think that is enough to keep track of in one month. *beat head against wall*

Buckshot

So hey–Short List people!

Tonight my boys are off doing stuff and I don’t feel so hot. So I am hereby letting people know that I would be interested in spending some time with someone tonight. 🙂

Caveats: I’m sick. This is a strictly no hanky panky offer. I don’t really want to drive because: I’m sick.

So, anyone want to come pat me on the head and sit in the hot tub with me?

Stress

After lots of talk about all the crap I have going on in my life I have come to the conclusion that much of my stress is self-imposed. I feel like should be doing something or other. Well, I need to cut it out.

So I have decided that dancing is the first thing to go. I love dancing, but I haven’t been able to go and I am beating myself up over it. I need to stop being upset. I will make it again eventually, but until then I need to not put myself down for it. I don’t think I will actually do faire or fair this year as anything other than a customer. 🙁

I’m not going to Portland in June. Until I leave for New York I will be hanging out at my house reading and swimming and just generally catching up on rest. If you would like to come over, feel free to ask but I’m not really going to be making any social events. Saturday the 10th I have a mellow pool party during the afternoon/evening and Sunday the 11th is a family bbq (please god let my mother be civil) and Saturday the 17th I have some super secret plans and other than that I am free. I don’t really want to go out. I need a break.

The people who have been waiting to pounce on me for a date–I’m sorry but I just don’t think I can do it. If I’m not up for it by now I probably won’t be anytime in the forseeable future. Eventually I will want to go hunting again and I know who is interested. I’m really content with Noah and Spot for the forseeable future. 🙂 Yay. Marcie may have it totally right–two relationships are all that are really sustainable.

Moving is hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. Must figure that out soon. The idea of moving stresses me out almost more than actually moving does. It’ll be ok though. 🙂 Somehow.

I think that is all that I can let go of right now.

Scheduling

In discussing what is going to be happening in my life in the next year I have come to see that I can’t maintain my current breakneck speed of “stuff.” I am only going to work 2 or 3 faires. I am only going to be at Dickens for two weekends. I need more time for my personal life than I would have if I actually did all that I want to do.

I want to have a life outside of faire/fair.

scheduling

Is anything other than FNW happening on the 17th? I know I want to do a little bit of time in downtown Campbell but after that I don’t know what I want to do. I’m debating FNW, but I may actually just invite people over to my house for some revelry of our own.

Would that interest anyone?