Tag Archives: school

Back to School Night

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Had my first parent ever tell me they are unhappy that I told the class that I am queer. Well, sorry that you are unhappy about that. It allows dozens of other students to feel more comfortable and safer with me so I don’t think I am going back into the closet.

(I don’t exactly flaunt it, but I do state it as a simple fact when talking about complex issues and why my views are colored the way they are.)

Besides lots of other parents stopped to tell me how much their kids love my class. I’ll just pay attention to that. 🙂

oh.my.fucking.god.

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I have an ED kid. For those of you who get to live your lives outside the realm of school, that means Emotionally Disturbed. As in: batshit crazy. I’m going to kill him. He is disturbed enough that he shouldn’t be in public school. He disrupts the class with rude, inappropriate behavior. We were having a very sensitive, difficult, touchy conversation about racism and when kids shared things he laughed at them. This is a minor outburst for him apparently. I was livid. This is my god damn advanced class and he is alienating people to the point where they don’t want to have a serious conversation.

This child is not in the right place and I want him out. I just don’t know if it will happen. 🙁

Much with the yay

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Yesterday I got a note in my box telling me that one of my new students (I have had 8-9ish kids added to my class yesterday and today) has Asperger’s and giving me very direct suggestions for how best to get along with him and help him be successful in class. It’s awesome. I wish all children had similar socialization specificities! If he says stuff in a nasty tone of voice accidentally I can tell him, “Try again” and he will rephrase dropping the attitude. I think that is fabulous. It talks about how to help him adjust to disruptions in routine. It’s a really neat document. I was cracking up as I read it, “Good lord! It’s like all of my friends!” I sent his mother an email today thanking her for the heads up and the hints about how to help him adjust. She seems pleased. 🙂

A few kids were talking about wussing out of 2A and I managed to talk them into staying. I’m glad they are staying. I think it will be a fun class. I am now several kids past my contract limits in basically all classes. w00t. heh Apparently kids are requesting to stay in my class when schedule changes happen. I feel really good about that.

The kids are already writing how much they love me on the board. I know it is generic ass-kissing, but I still like it. 🙂 Of course my response in class is to make fun of them and call them a brown-noser. I do it with a big smile and a silly tone of voice… It’s going so well.

Holy shit. I’m The Man.

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Today I had the counseling department take a girl out of my advanced English course because there is no way she would be able to pass. (If you are two books behind by the second week…. yeah, no.) I made this decision. I just decided that this person is off the advanced/honors track for my school. It is technically possible for her to get back on it later, but it is pretty rare. For the record, she wanted out and told me so–this wasn’t done against her will. But I made the call that caused this to happen because counseling wouldn’t listen to her. I just influenced her potential acceptance to college. Holy shit. I’m mostly aware that I do this when I assign grades, but I really believe that you *earn* your grade. This was a different thing.

I also made the decision to allow three more students into honors track because if they don’t go into my class they don’t go into honors. (We are terribly over-crowded.) I am allowing them to overload my class past my contract limits because I’m freaked out by the fact that I decide whether or not these children are looked at for admission into future honors/AP classes.

And I discovered last year that if a kid wants into any AP class with a focus on writing on my campus they need the approval of their English teacher. I have turned kids down. There have been several kids who have tried to get into AP classes but weren’t allowed because *I* judge their skills to be insufficient.

Holy shit. I’m The Man.

home stretch

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My prep period is the penultimate period of the day. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Today has gone mostly well. I really stuck my foot in my mouth once, cause saying out loud “Freakin Vietnamese names” was not cool at all. I explained in a stupid I’m-a-moron sort of way how I had two Vietnamese kids last year who tormented constantly because I couldn’t sound out the Vietnamese words/names and I don’t think that helped at all. I talked to the girl specifically I said that about and she just laughed it off. I hope she wasn’t simply humoring me. *face palm*

I’m scaring the hell out of kids with the expected workload. I’ll call that a win. One period to go and then a few more hours of prep. I will survive!

{School}Nervous

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—Side note–I’ve added some people to the school filter. If you don’t want to hear me talk about my job a lot, feel free to ask to be taken off. During the school year this filter will probably see about 70% of my posts and when I’m around some crunch time I get really posty.—

From what I can tell, most teachers are nervous near the beginning of the school year. I’m getting pretty terrified. I think English 3 will go well (hell, I start out my day with Tigger-boy and my favorite dyke from 7th period last year [Uhm, she failed–despite my being on the phone with her mother daily and having her in for detention frequently. This time she will have to be in detention *before* assignments are due so that she never develops a backlog of work to make up.] so my day will at least start well every day) but I’m worried about 2A. What if the smart kids don’t think I am a good teacher? *insert nervous hand-wringing* The problem is that most 2A kids desperately want the other guy because he is well known as being the best thing ever. I can’t ever be him though. I’m really not looking forward to the unhappy resignation in the first week when they realize they have me.

I’m having a tremendous number of scary dreams where I completely fuck up. This is not making me sleep well. My consolation and indication that I probably will not fuck up too badly is that I have been in more prepping than any other teacher in my department. I’m so worried about doing well it isn’t funny. The funny (to me) thing is that my coworkers and department chair are all convinced that I will be absolutely fabulous. My chair told me he expects me to do 2A for a couple of years then take over the 4AP classes. Uhm… he isn’t aware I probably won’t be there in a few years. It’s flattering anyway. 🙂

I got into an argument with an idiot online. I know, kind of hard to avoid when talking to people online. She (in completely incorrectly spelled language) first criticized my usage of vernacular English and then went off on me when I defended myself. I have felt nervous and sad for days. When people say that all of my coworkers and students must hate me because I am so rude and disrespectful I half giggle (it’s ridiculous) and half feel nervous (oh God, what if they’re right?!). It was just enough to make my already existing apprehension suck a bit more. I hate people on the internet. {Uhm, if I actually know you then you don’t count as a “person on the internet”. Well, except for one of you.}

I have the daily plan for English 3 done for the first three weeks already. 2A I don’t have completely planned, but I know most of what I am doing for the first 7 weeks. 🙂

(Have I mentioned that several coworkers have told me that they hate me because they have no idea what they are doing in the first two days?)

So cool.

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A student just bounded into my room (think Tigger) exclaimingly loudly, “I got you! I got you!” Then he grabbed me in a big hug.

You can’t see it, but I think my face is about to split open I’m grinning so wide. I love my job.

And it begins.

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I’m in my classroom. It’s still messy and unsettled but beginning to take shape. I have this whole week to figure out my year plans (ok, remind myself of the Junior plan and create the Sophomore plan) and get copies done for the first couple of weeks of school.

And of course I get to hear the oh-so-fabulous drum line over and over. It’s strangely comforting. 🙂

It’s kind of strange. On one hand I’m nervous because last year was so absolutely amazing and difficult; can I duplicate, or even better–improve the amazing? I’m taking down the enormous American flag from the corner of one wall because honestly it doesn’t help create the visual appearance I want my classroom to have. It feels trite.

No more procrastination. (Yay new teaching icons!)

+/-

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– Having to express boundaries in a way that is hard for me to say and hard for others to hear.
+ Expressing anxiety and concern and being heard and supported in totally unexpected ways.
– Allowing anxiety to turn my stomach into an acid pit for weeks.
+ Talking about anxieties with wonderful fabulous people who will support me no matter what.
+ Reading many fabulous books this summer.
+ Painting my house and making it feel more like my home allowing me to banish many of the ghosts that have been here for me.
+ Banishing the ghosts from the past making it more comfortable for other people to be here too.
– Playing phone tag with amazing people and not getting to really connect.
– Missing some of the people I love so much I feel like I drown in it.
+ Being social and getting to see wonderful people.
+ Having a friend buy me a corset!!! (I swear! Pictures soon!!)
+ More work done on my tattoo. Most of it wasn’t so bad. Then we moved to an area that wasn’t numb. That sucked ass through a straw.
– Finding out that my tattoo artist wants to move out of state in February so my tattoo has to be finished before I get pregnant. So uhm, I’m going again before this even has a chance to heal because we have to finish, damnit.
+ Good conversations with people about how size plays into perception of beauty. I really am fascinated by how people perceive size and beauty and how they are related and not. I love that my friends trust me enough to talk to me about this very touchy subject.
+ Plans coming up with people I rarely get to see. There are people in my life I think of as ‘watchers.’ They aren’t really close friends because I hardly ever see them and we do very little with one another in ways that seriously overlap our lives. Yet, I love them and trust them for no obvious reason. Once or twice a year we get together and catch up on all the small and big and good and bad and I feel truly seen. I really appreciate these people and the perspective they give my life. I’m seeing one of them tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it. I also get to see some people in the next few weeks whom I think of as friends but who aren’t close, yet.
+ Running into my sophomore English teacher at Avenue Q and having him ask me to get together to work on curriculum. That is so incredibly validating! Yay! He is one of the teachers I liked the most through the years.
+ Almost done with all the books I need to read for 2A. This is pretty neat. I still am not sure how I want to put it all together though. One more week!
– Not sleeping well or much. This needs to change pronto.
+ Found some really cute wrap skirts on the Haight. They don’t care if I am chunky or thin. 🙂 Yay for versatility!
+ My back hurts less in the aftermath of tattooing than it used to. I’m a little stiff and sore, but really not bad.
+ Still have the best husband ever. Understanding, compassionate, fun, supportive, and totally sexy.

Mostly though, I know I’ve been whining and vague and depressed and upset and … blah for a bit now. Thank you to the people who have reached out. I notice. Thank you for the support and love. I see it and I’m grateful.

In other news.

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I have 2A for certain. This is massively good news as I have been really unhappy about the prospect of teaching lockstep grade level sophmore English. This means freedom for my curriculum (uhm, within basic constraints of course). This means I get to push hard in a class full of fairly capable kids.

I can work with this. Lit circles. We are totally going to do lit circles. Oh the books I can make them read!

Just life

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I slept for just shy of 10 hours last night. That is highly unusual for me. Normally I wake up around 7 1/2 hours. I think I am making up for the school year.

I’m reading a lot, both on the internet and actual books. It feels really nice to not be pressured or on a deadline.

My lovely husband rocks so hard. He came home from work last night and did most of the work to make dinner. Then we had a fabulous date night. I married the best perv ever! (Ok, so there are still a few skillz I would like him to develop but he is coming along nicely…) This “communication” stuff is really handy.

I’ve been talking to Tom more and feeling more comfortable about it. I still feel a bit tense when I watch him playing (I don’t spend much time doing this) but there is less tension and more happiness that he is happy. I really do love him and want him to be happy and I know that he never would have had all that he needed with me. And I really am better off with Noah so it’s a win all the way around. I think I feel so connected to him still because he was the first person to love me so much or so well and I try very hard to appreciate what people do for me. The fact that what he had to give ended up not being enough in the long run is really not his fault.

Alright, I’ll say it. Off birth control. Don’t know when anything more interesting is going to actually happen as I have no control over that. Lots of looking down and chanting “ovulate!!” I amuse me. The first two weeks I was pretty batty and all over the place emotionally but that has passed and I’m feeling generally pretty cheerful. The fact that it coincided with lots of job stress and then no job stress probably helps.

Still having a hard time believing that I am not too difficult to put up with. Noah says I’m ok, but it’s hard. I’m so scared of pushing him away and I know I am tempermental. Gah. Have to just accept that I’ll never be placid or even tempered. Suckful acceptance.

My body is being weird. I think it is mostly that I am sitting on my ass too much. I’m stiff and sore most places most of the time. I’m also a wee bit chunkier than is optimal for normal usage. (My jeans don’t really fit.) Other than that: my hair is freshly red and my jaw hurts all the time. Looks like braces are mandatory. Damnit! I really hate dental stuff.

Family stuff continues to suck. I’m thinking that I should do another six months or so without talking to any of them. My mom recently asked me to have dinner so she could give me my baby pictures because she doesn’t want them. This following on the heels of her telling me that my bio-family isn’t my family, my chosen family is along with her threatening to sue me if I publicly disclose stuff about my life… yeah. I think maybe it’s time for some non-talking. My sister doesn’t even want me to know where she lives–as in she has told her children they are not to give me their address. Awesome. Jimmy still doesn’t want to speak to me and may never again. My aunt doesn’t believe me about the stuff that has been happening because she has never heard about it before from anyone else. Yeah. Just… yeah. That’s ok. I have a Mom who wants to be part of my life. I have a Dad and a Daddy both of whom love me and dote on me and give me the kind of support I need. I have people all over the country who love me and support me. I suppose my mother is right. I do have a family and she isn’t part of it.

Computer woes continue. At least this time I managed to back everything up. Heh. Still thinking about buying an Apple instead of a PC. Luckily, I have my work computer to use over the summer so it isn’t mandatory yet.

Given the impending kidlet situation, having two vehicles that don’t place one of us at serious risk of injury daily is a mandatory situation. I’ve been looking around and I’m pretty sure I want a Mazda 5. (The Prius was supposed to be Noah’s car from the start…) I have wanted an Element for years, but seeing as there could be three booster seats in our future, a four seater vehicle is just not an option. *sigh* There goes that dream. Is ok. Babies are more interesting than a vehicle I can clean with a hose. 🙂 It’s going to be a bit more expensive than we were hoping for, but it will be doable.

My student loan debt will be gone before school starts again. We will have just the mortgage in debt and that is such a nice feeling.

Kids are scheduled to come paint the house when I get back from the honeymoon. I’m actually looking forward to it. 🙂

I leave on Monday to see my friends and Noah is joining me on Thursday. We are going to be backpacking for a week. I’m so excited!

Life… life is not completely 100% perfect, but life is good.

Cleaning up and out.

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My homeschool kid is working so I have to kill time apparently not working today so I am not going to be killing a bunch of time at ST. Instead I am going to frantically finish cleaning out the stuff I want to clean out and run over to his house. I will be home by about 3pm. Dear God I am so excited. Yay!!!

Freedom is calling!!!!

Fuckin yay!

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My principal is backing me up against the pscyho parents.

Many seniors have offered to buy me tickets to graduation because they want me to go. (One actually got a ticket for me and a ticket for Noah.)

My babies played “I never” with me during 3rd period and let me not admit just how many I had done, but the game was funny.

Most want me to sign their year books.

Kids brought me ice cream for breakfast.

A very sweet girl brought me flowers! Dude. She is failing the class, but she still loves me. I so win.

Organization! Yay!

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Next year I get to change how my room works. I’m very very excited. 😀 This year I didn’t have time to reorganize before the year. Plotting is keeping me busy.

See, I hate rows. Maybe when I get things set up I will post pictures because I’m dorky enough to think people might care.

More kidlet stuff

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Scanned through the course evaluations briefly. One kid said I should swear less. One kid said I should be less emotional. Two kids in my seventh period ripped me a new one saying that the class sucked and they hate me. Well, those two kids are the ones who want special treatment at all times about everything and I just won’t do it. (For those who know the stories: one was the girl who is in training to be a trophy wife.)

Other than that, people say my class was really good and they appreciate how much effort I put in. Not bad really.

Owie

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My head hurts so much that having my eyes open is painful. Noise sucks. My stomach hurts and I think I might puke. I woke up in the middle of the night because my head and neck hurt so much. That’s a very bad sign.

And I have comp & lit for 2 hours. This is my last lab day of the year with them. Please god, let the time move swiftly…