Tonight EC asked to make dinner. She started with a base of turkey stock and water (I make my bone broth super concentrated and diluting it is wise) then she added in tomato, beets, carrots, and potatoes. Herbs and spices followed. She cooked that for a bit and decided it needed a bit of something more and added sausage followed by cream. It was faaaaaabulous.
She’s so big and capable. I’m absolutely thrilled.
I now own 1/6 of Wicked Grounds. That's pretty f'in cool. If you want to know what it is you can shove the name together and put a www in the front and a .com on the end and you will see the nebulous new website. 🙂
Shanna and Calli make me smile every day. I feel so lucky that they both have such sweet dispositions. They truly are a joy to spend time with.
I smiled because my domestic help was quite civil when I gave her feedback and she thanked me. I feel fucking weird being an employer.
I smiled because I got to think about sex. That's been an interesting topic lately.
12/8: first date. okcupid person. excellent long emails. we've been conversing for a couple of weeks.
12/9: spending time with a friend followed by a hot date at a womens bdsm party. I win.
12/12: first date with person I know through mutual friends. This may be the most intimidating thing on the agenda.
12/15: first date. okcupid person. few messages but his profile sounds like he may be exactly what I wanted for a one-night stand.
I uhhh probably shouldn't go out on another date before Christmas. I didn't mean for them to all get bunched up like this. Goodness.
Every so often I don't want to say something on blogger. Yay lj. Yesterday I dropped off money towards a new venture that will change a lot of the focus of my life. I'm really excited. It's pretty darn big. And then… when I got home… I found a message from someone I have known in the scene for about 8 years. It's hilarious to me that I have known her that long. But I digress. She's uhm, gorgeous. And ridiculously skilled as both a top and a bottom when it comes to rope. Like I'd pit her against Tom any day. And she asked me out on a date. *swoon* We'll see how that goes. I said YES. YES. PLEASE OH PLEASE GOD YES. 😀 I'm excited.
And then I woke up this morning and found that a new-ish friend invited me to go to a womens party with her. She's pretty damn cute so I'm not saying no.
How in the hell did it start raining girls? I'm not complaining. I'm celebrating. It's been a long time since I was interesting to a woman. I may have forgotten how this goes. Oh gosh.
I'm so excited I'm bouncing. My life is pretty wonderful.
Oh man. I totally got laid last night. More than once. By more than one person. It felt really really really good. It has been a long time since I’ve been that kind of frisky. I really miss that kind of sex. What kind of sex you might ask (if you are a nosy bastard like me that is)…
Oh man. I went and had the kind of night where I had to remember how to signal, “Hey! I am interested in SEX!” I didn’t go to the sort of event where you are supposed to pick someone up immediately, but that doesn’t seem to stop me. It’s easy to pick someone up if you show up knowing they are interested. And if you know someone is interested it’s a lot easier to feel interesting and broadcast the kind of signals that say, “I’m interesting. You should come talk to me.”
I’m going back and forth about how much disclosure is appropriate. I live my life very publicly, but I don’t cause drama. Sex is one of those things that people get upset about. But it was really good sex. The kind where you show up saying, “I remember you being very very good at fucking me and it’s been a long time since I have had sex as good as that.” Then I kind of rub legs for a while. Then you get to the part where I explain, “All your standard cheesy lines should just go away. Because they are delaying us having sex. I could happily go do that right now.” We didn’t. We waited an hour.
It’s hard walking the tightrope of aggressive sex that isn’t painful. It’s really nice to find men who are up to the job. I’m at a spot right now where I am not interested in painful sex. I kind of have enough pain in my life. Even though I don’t want to be bitten hard, even though I don’t want to be hit, even though I don’t want to be pinched… I still want to have sex move very quickly through the steps (sometimes) because oh my god I love the feeling of someone wanting to fuck me right now. I miss knowing that someone is overwhelmed with the desire to fuck me really hard.
It’s kind of hard to find the time and space to be overwhelmed by sex as a parent. You can’t ever get too into the sex because at any second one of the little… people… are going to wake up again. Ugh. But last night I went out! There were no little kids to worry about. And I was fucked gloriously.
I missed this.
“I suppose that is something I hadn’t considered about marriage. For the rest of my life it isn’t that you smell like apple cider vinegar. It’s that apple cider vinegar smells like you.”
Today I am grateful for being the mom. I’m not every day so I thought I would note it today. (full disclosure: I am always grateful for my kids, but being the mom sucks rocks a lot of days.). Last night Shanna asked to sleep next to me. She doesn’t cosleep anymore so we had to maneuver a bit. Some time in the middle of the night she woke up, sat up just long enough to look for me then she threw herself across my chest to snuggle. She’s a cuddly kid in general but that instinctive “where is my mommy” in the middle of the night feels different. That is primal. I am the one she wants and needs and loves the most in the world.
Calli has been resisting napping alone. She wants to be on my lap. I haven’t been willing to give her this for most of her life but I’m doing it on vacation. Sometimes she wakes up just a little and starts to panic, then she notices that she is on me and her whole body relaxes. Oh Mommy.
This is why I had children. I wanted this. I want this so much that I ache with it. And I have it. It’s a gift. I constantly feel like I don’t deserve these amazing kids, but they think I am perfect. I am so grateful that I get to be Mommy.
It’s pretty hot to sit on the couch making out with Noah while he is on a work conference call.
Last night we went out on a date, thanks to Paula and Andrew. After Shanna was born I pretty much lost the ability to orgasm. It was really really terrible. Nearly traumatizing. I discovered last night that you get me into the right scene and it’s back!
I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN
I’d rather get laid, well, all night long than have a stoopid mothers day breakfast. 😉
Today is officially a Great Day. Both kids went down for their naps without a second of fuss AND I pulled my jeans off without unbuttoning them. WIN. 🙂
And I just couldn’t bring myself to say that in front of all the random asshole guys I know. But funnily enough I don’t worry about saying it on livejournal. I wonder what that says about the quality of the guys I know on facebook. Hm.
So I have this super hot girl in Duluth freakin Minnesota that I’m getting to know. It’s a very interesting experience for me. I may not be writing much on lj for a while because every spare minute I have for writing is going towards wooing her. Uhm, talk to y’all later.
Yesterday I thought we had a doctors appointment at 10 and a friend coming over for dinner at 4:30. I felt stressed about finishing all the chores I wanted to get done and I was anxious. But it turns out I wrote the date wrong on the doctors appointment (I looked at the card again and it is really hard to read) and that’s the 7th. And the friend who was coming over to dinner forgot. So I got everything done and had time to write a long blog post and a long email to my lady friend! That was way better than I hoped for.
It also looks like the shed and motorcycle ramp will be leaving my yard this weekend. Woo!
I’ve been snapping at Noah like 345% more than I should. I kind of feel like he is the last man standing in terms of people I can take my foul temper out on. It really isn’t awesome. 🙁 On that note, I’m going to go put pants on and go to the gym. Hopefully I can run out some of this aggression. Wish me luck.
Ok, the next stage of my life can start right now. That would be awesome. 🙂
“peeeeeee peeeeeeeee peeeeeeeeeee
it . . . comes from youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”
With lots of wiggling and flourishes. I couldn’t be more proud.
So I invited a few more of my MDC ladies back here to my blog. Hopefully we continue this trend of them liking me. Ha.
I have just decided that I am going to publicly announce that my Sarah (dangerpudding) is moving in with us towards the end of the summer. Right now August 1st is our target date. All co-housing situations have the potential for drama and stress. However we are going to choose to say, “We are ignoring the fact that often there is roommate drama! It’ll work out!” Basically I anticipate us getting some outside mediation at certain points to make sure my head is out of my ass. 🙂 There is so much potential for good here it isn’t funny. Sarah and I travel well together, spend excessive amounts of time together, and are both good at retreating to our rooms when we need a break. Cross your fingers for us and send us your blessings because this working out could be the solution to many of mine and Sarah’s problems. Good wishes are very very helpful.
That said! If Sarah is moving into my house there are many things that must be changed. Our house isn’t very big and we are currently using all of it. It’s going to mean a lot of adjusting our current house usage and getting rid of stuff. It also means that I have to get around to finishing the garage conversion. 🙂 Noah has the next four days off of work and I am going to take advantage of him being home to get through chores as fast as possible. Lots of painting. Lots of moving furniture. Other random sorting or minor chores that need to happen in the next few months.
As is my want, I periodically put on here that I would love house with house chores! Sometimes people show up and sometimes they don’t. Both are perfectly ok. But, if anyone out there has not much to do over the next four days this would be a better-than-average time to come over. Even if you don’t want to do house chores Shanna would love a play mate. 🙂 Or you could just chat with me. I’m open to many variations. 🙂
For the previous three years since Shanna was born I have been feeling increasing levels of desire to have green in my surroundings. I miss the mountains. I miss walking outside on spring mornings and closing my eyes and hearing the mist in the trees. It was wonderful. So now I am settled in a more arid land. Clay soil and suburban lawns as far as the eye can see. Yuck. I’ve been working on amending the soil (big thanks to my cousins last year) and I’m adding plants every year. So far it seems that most plants make it and a few don’t. I always have at least a few that won’t take. I consider this the cost of doing business and move on with my life. 🙂
I need to work on creating more shade in my yard. Right now it is so directly, brutally hot that it isn’t very fun to play out there for a lot of the summer. I want there to be more greenery. I’m working on it. A friend is moving out of state (this is not going to be a net-win for me) which is very sad but she is leaving me with her extensive collection of potted plants. I could not be more thrilled.
One of these years I’ll get my hands on paving stones and I’ll start doing the hardscaping in the front yard. I kind of figure it’s ok if it takes me I while. I have a lot of springs ahead of me.
Noah humored me and spent some time out back with me this weekend. I really enjoyed that. I feel a lot of joy in being outside and I’m not sure exactly how it works for me. That sounds odd. Sometimes feeling outside is wonderful and sometimes I’m just not happy with it. I’m not sure what the conditions are specifically. I do know that early spring/late winter is my favorite. The weather is in the 60’s but the sun is shining beautifully in between much needed rain bursts. To me this feels like when God is restoring blessings upon life. It feels so peaceful out in my yard enjoying the green.
Now why the hell is everyone so damn depressed.
So between first nap and second nap we played together. First we played with legos in the house then we spend almost an hour in the back yard mostly playing in the sand box. The very best moment was when Shanna and I were digging together and singing songs about how awesome we all are and Calli was leaning over from her perch on my lap, laughing. It was beautiful. And later Shanna was telling me some very silly story about the scary cat running through our yard and I was holding Calli above my head and looking at her. Then I remember why I chose this life.
Where is the line where the good outweighs the bad or vice versa? I’m not sure I know. But I’m having more fun than not because the good moments are really beautiful.
That’s a good reason to post! I can do that. It may not be too long because typing is hard at this angle. I do want some kind of documentation of the fact that after about two weeks of really hard, nearly nightmarish behavior from Shanna she has leveled up in terms of manners and interpersonal behavior. When she wants something from Calli she has said, “This is not my favorite! Calli, will you please share?” Then she waited till Calli dropped it and reached for a new toy. When asking for something from us she spontaneously says please way more often. It’s amazing. Yay! However the difficult behavior isn’t going away. Man are her emotions SO BIG right now. Her sandwich being cut wrong can result in a puddle of sobbing on the floor. I spend a lot of time sighing and asking her how I can be supportive. This will pass too. 🙂