We’re talking about racism in all of my classes right now as part of the different units we are doing. So I brought up the Jena 6. (If you have never heard of them, google the term.) The kids are incensed. They asked me how we can help so we are getting together after school tomorrow to figure out how the kidlets can help raise money and awareness.
Have I mentioned lately that I love my job? That my kids are constant sources of amazement to me?
So I debated whether I should talk to the kidlet about his level of comfort with my disclosure. I decided that I would do it. But then I didn’t get a chance because the kid came up to me instead. He apologized profusely for what his parental types told me. He said that he absolutely does not share their views and he is sorry that they said what they did. He said that he will be not talking to them in the future about this class because he wants me to feel comfortable saying whatever I want.
Sweet.
The last year has been remarkable. I have been married for a year and 9 days. I have begun my third year of teaching. I painted my house so that I could work on banishing the ghosts from the building. I have made friends. I have unfortunately hurt people. I have faced down demons. I have discovered new trauma. I have learned to trust Noah in ways I never thought I would. I have gained 20 lbs. I have purchased furniture. I have gotten rid of furniture. I have a new kitten. I have gone off birth control. I took Noah to Disneyland for the first time as well as Portland and Seattle. I went to Las Vegas for my first trip and went to a bunch of Cirque shows.
It’s been quite a year. 25 was good to me. Let’s see how 26 goes. 🙂
My mom sent me flowers! Thanks mom!!! *bounce* *snuggle*
I took the advice of my therapist and a good friend. I did what I wanted for my birthday. It happened yesterday. It was fucking fabulous. No, ya’ll don’t get to know what it was. 😛 Ok, James and Chris know, but they have to keep their mouths shut.
I will tell you that Noah is the best husband ever for making me hand drawn “I will do ….” coupons. They are sweet and adorable and show a lot of work and consideration about what *I* actually want. Have I mentioned I married the right boy?
And! As a sorta birthday/really Christmas present to both of us–we booked a Disney cruise for Christmas vacation. We’re going to Disney World!!!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
So. Fucking. Excited.
And tired. And hung over. Today I will smile wanly and not be my normal fireball self. That’s fine. 3/5 periods are doing research in the library. It’s almost like I planned for this…
Yesterday I got a note in my box telling me that one of my new students (I have had 8-9ish kids added to my class yesterday and today) has Asperger’s and giving me very direct suggestions for how best to get along with him and help him be successful in class. It’s awesome. I wish all children had similar socialization specificities! If he says stuff in a nasty tone of voice accidentally I can tell him, “Try again” and he will rephrase dropping the attitude. I think that is fabulous. It talks about how to help him adjust to disruptions in routine. It’s a really neat document. I was cracking up as I read it, “Good lord! It’s like all of my friends!” I sent his mother an email today thanking her for the heads up and the hints about how to help him adjust. She seems pleased. 🙂
A few kids were talking about wussing out of 2A and I managed to talk them into staying. I’m glad they are staying. I think it will be a fun class. I am now several kids past my contract limits in basically all classes. w00t. heh Apparently kids are requesting to stay in my class when schedule changes happen. I feel really good about that.
The kids are already writing how much they love me on the board. I know it is generic ass-kissing, but I still like it. 🙂 Of course my response in class is to make fun of them and call them a brown-noser. I do it with a big smile and a silly tone of voice… It’s going so well.
Due to turning in my transcripts (oops) and the renegotiated contract, I get a $9,000 raise this year.
Holy shit. That’s around a 20% raise. I don’t know where around because my brain hurts and math is hard.
Since Miss Jenny brought it up…
367 pennies.
17 nickels.
2 dimes.
1 quarter.
I could tell you what all of the different numbers mean, but that would be no fun. 🙂
One year ago today Noah and I snuck off from the lovely B&B in Lake Tahoe and went and got married. It was with little fanfare as such things go, but strangely it is the most appropriate way I can imagine for us to get married. There have been a few moments when I am somewhat wistful thinking, “I wish I had the sort of family where having a big wedding would have been fun and a positive experience,” but considering the families we have I am glad we made the decision we did. Honestly, as much as I love my friends, I don’t feel like anyone is that big of a part of my direct day-to-day life other than Noah. I like that our wedding reflected the way our life actually works.
I love Noah so much that sometimes I feel like I am drowning in it. I enjoy his silliness, his seriousness, his playfulness, his focus, his lustfullness… The list is long. He is my best friend. He is the person I most want to talk to about any silly or important thing that happens. I’m happy that I never feel like I want to keep things from him. (Ok, sometimes I do for about half a day when I’m upset at him for some reason, but it never lasts.) I’m happy that we work through intense issues and come out the other side appreciating one another more. I’m grateful that even in the middle of a fierce fight we can stop and do something to affirm to the other that it is just a fight and not something that hurts our general feelings for the other. I am amazed that he is able to see so many parts of me and never judge me harshly for them. I am grateful that I don’t feel the need to withhold levels of trust.
I’m glad that we have sufficiently disproved any doubts anyone may have had about us getting married because we had to. 🙂 And anyone who was in a betting pool that we wouldn’t make it a year… sorry about losing your money. No wait… nevermind. I’m not sorry. 🙂 I’m quite happy in fact.
*And* he’s perfectly content with just me? Boy did I never think that would happen. It’s just another day in Paradise.
I don’t feel great today, but I need to go into work for a bit anyway. I’ve been moping and fussing and generally being lost and cranky. Noah was procrastinating on his stated goal for the day of “getting a haircut” and seemed to be just hanging out. I finally fessed up that I really wish he would come with me. I did it in a whiny little-girl voice sitting in a corner on the floor. He leaned over and said (in that fabulous stage whisper of his), “I figured out that you want me to go with you, but I’m waiting for you to leave so I can go get your anniversary present.” Giggling followed.
Now he is out getting whatever it is he is getting and I’m waiting at home. I will close my eyes so he can hide it when he returns. Then we will go to my work. 🙂
I married the right boy.
—Side note–I’ve added some people to the school filter. If you don’t want to hear me talk about my job a lot, feel free to ask to be taken off. During the school year this filter will probably see about 70% of my posts and when I’m around some crunch time I get really posty.—
From what I can tell, most teachers are nervous near the beginning of the school year. I’m getting pretty terrified. I think English 3 will go well (hell, I start out my day with Tigger-boy and my favorite dyke from 7th period last year [Uhm, she failed–despite my being on the phone with her mother daily and having her in for detention frequently. This time she will have to be in detention *before* assignments are due so that she never develops a backlog of work to make up.] so my day will at least start well every day) but I’m worried about 2A. What if the smart kids don’t think I am a good teacher? *insert nervous hand-wringing* The problem is that most 2A kids desperately want the other guy because he is well known as being the best thing ever. I can’t ever be him though. I’m really not looking forward to the unhappy resignation in the first week when they realize they have me.
I’m having a tremendous number of scary dreams where I completely fuck up. This is not making me sleep well. My consolation and indication that I probably will not fuck up too badly is that I have been in more prepping than any other teacher in my department. I’m so worried about doing well it isn’t funny. The funny (to me) thing is that my coworkers and department chair are all convinced that I will be absolutely fabulous. My chair told me he expects me to do 2A for a couple of years then take over the 4AP classes. Uhm… he isn’t aware I probably won’t be there in a few years. It’s flattering anyway. 🙂
I got into an argument with an idiot online. I know, kind of hard to avoid when talking to people online. She (in completely incorrectly spelled language) first criticized my usage of vernacular English and then went off on me when I defended myself. I have felt nervous and sad for days. When people say that all of my coworkers and students must hate me because I am so rude and disrespectful I half giggle (it’s ridiculous) and half feel nervous (oh God, what if they’re right?!). It was just enough to make my already existing apprehension suck a bit more. I hate people on the internet. {Uhm, if I actually know you then you don’t count as a “person on the internet”. Well, except for one of you.}
I have the daily plan for English 3 done for the first three weeks already. 2A I don’t have completely planned, but I know most of what I am doing for the first 7 weeks. 🙂
(Have I mentioned that several coworkers have told me that they hate me because they have no idea what they are doing in the first two days?)
We have an Interloper. She is very cute and friendly. Puff is not so thrilled. She is not yet named as the one someone else gave her was lame.
I was weak… I caved to the cute.
A student just bounded into my room (think Tigger) exclaimingly loudly, “I got you! I got you!” Then he grabbed me in a big hug.
You can’t see it, but I think my face is about to split open I’m grinning so wide. I love my job.
I’m in my classroom. It’s still messy and unsettled but beginning to take shape. I have this whole week to figure out my year plans (ok, remind myself of the Junior plan and create the Sophomore plan) and get copies done for the first couple of weeks of school.
And of course I get to hear the oh-so-fabulous drum line over and over. It’s strangely comforting. 🙂
It’s kind of strange. On one hand I’m nervous because last year was so absolutely amazing and difficult; can I duplicate, or even better–improve the amazing? I’m taking down the enormous American flag from the corner of one wall because honestly it doesn’t help create the visual appearance I want my classroom to have. It feels trite.
No more procrastination. (Yay new teaching icons!)
– Having to express boundaries in a way that is hard for me to say and hard for others to hear.
+ Expressing anxiety and concern and being heard and supported in totally unexpected ways.
– Allowing anxiety to turn my stomach into an acid pit for weeks.
+ Talking about anxieties with wonderful fabulous people who will support me no matter what.
+ Reading many fabulous books this summer.
+ Painting my house and making it feel more like my home allowing me to banish many of the ghosts that have been here for me.
+ Banishing the ghosts from the past making it more comfortable for other people to be here too.
– Playing phone tag with amazing people and not getting to really connect.
– Missing some of the people I love so much I feel like I drown in it.
+ Being social and getting to see wonderful people.
+ Having a friend buy me a corset!!! (I swear! Pictures soon!!)
+ More work done on my tattoo. Most of it wasn’t so bad. Then we moved to an area that wasn’t numb. That sucked ass through a straw.
– Finding out that my tattoo artist wants to move out of state in February so my tattoo has to be finished before I get pregnant. So uhm, I’m going again before this even has a chance to heal because we have to finish, damnit.
+ Good conversations with people about how size plays into perception of beauty. I really am fascinated by how people perceive size and beauty and how they are related and not. I love that my friends trust me enough to talk to me about this very touchy subject.
+ Plans coming up with people I rarely get to see. There are people in my life I think of as ‘watchers.’ They aren’t really close friends because I hardly ever see them and we do very little with one another in ways that seriously overlap our lives. Yet, I love them and trust them for no obvious reason. Once or twice a year we get together and catch up on all the small and big and good and bad and I feel truly seen. I really appreciate these people and the perspective they give my life. I’m seeing one of them tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it. I also get to see some people in the next few weeks whom I think of as friends but who aren’t close, yet.
+ Running into my sophomore English teacher at Avenue Q and having him ask me to get together to work on curriculum. That is so incredibly validating! Yay! He is one of the teachers I liked the most through the years.
+ Almost done with all the books I need to read for 2A. This is pretty neat. I still am not sure how I want to put it all together though. One more week!
– Not sleeping well or much. This needs to change pronto.
+ Found some really cute wrap skirts on the Haight. They don’t care if I am chunky or thin. 🙂 Yay for versatility!
+ My back hurts less in the aftermath of tattooing than it used to. I’m a little stiff and sore, but really not bad.
+ Still have the best husband ever. Understanding, compassionate, fun, supportive, and totally sexy.
Mostly though, I know I’ve been whining and vague and depressed and upset and … blah for a bit now. Thank you to the people who have reached out. I notice. Thank you for the support and love. I see it and I’m grateful.
I have 2A for certain. This is massively good news as I have been really unhappy about the prospect of teaching lockstep grade level sophmore English. This means freedom for my curriculum (uhm, within basic constraints of course). This means I get to push hard in a class full of fairly capable kids.
I can work with this. Lit circles. We are totally going to do lit circles. Oh the books I can make them read!
I know I’m late to the game, but I’ve discovered Kushiel’s Dart.
I’ll be in my bunk.
Having a hot boy hit on me feels nice. Having a hot boy hit on me who doesn’t already love me because I am a spiffy person feels even better. And it turns out that this hot boy has so many overlapping social circles with me that my brain is about to explode. He knows and and and and many other people I know less well and not really through lj. My head is about to go BOOM!!
Noah has pointed out to me that despite the fact that I have really good stories I should specifically state that despite my usual rampant sluttiness I am not available anymore. Hm. Yeah. I hadn’t really thought of it as leading him on, I’m just telling stories. Oh, but people get impressions from those stories… Right. *sigh*
The event was amazing. Anna came through and helped with food way more than I thought she would. My friends are wonderful friendly people. My husband is the best boy ever.
Delightful. Wonderful. Yay!! Does this mean we are well and truly married now? (I need to work on developing the pictures people took.)
As of Monday I was ready to cry because only one kid showed up and I was terrified that we would never get even close to my schedule. On Tuesday four kids came and it turns out that one of the parents of one of the kids has a paint spray machine that he will let me borrow. So we got all of the hole filling and wall washing done and we can do all of the primer today in about two hours. Then we can do all of the painting on Thursday. And me and one kid will be doing that bit while another kid does the bathroom and two or three kids work in the kitchen. Did I mention there will be one to two more kids doing yardwork today and tomorrow? I’m terribly excited. We are so going to finish on time.
However, this means we are sleeping in a tent in the back yard for a few days because the spray machine requires so much fucking plastic wrap over everything it’s just not funny. We also shouldn’t use the shower because the paint in there requires drying before it is water resistent. I’ll deal with smelling funny for a day or two, but it seems impolite to go be social on Saturday without a shower. Does anyone have a shower they are willing to let Noah and I come use on Saturday morning? We could just go to 24 hour fitness, but this gives us the mixed excuse of maybe grabbing breakfast with someone. 🙂